Pretty Much LiQi

Think, Save, Smile

2012-02-07T05:31:00.000-08:00

A few things I have decided to implement into my life in order to save money and, in the long run, save me peace of mind:
1. Meal Plan. Meal Plan, Meal Plan, Meal Plan. No, I don't have proof it's saving us money yet. But I am almost 98% sure it is. When I have the time, I must just go through our bank statements like a nerd to figure the figures to make sure. In the meantime, I'll just enjoy using all my groceries, having a plan, and not letting anything go to waste. Oh yeah, and making some AWESOME food I'd otherwise forget to make or not have the right ingredients for. Tonight, I'm making a herb roast chicken and spicy sweet potato & coconut soup. YES. PLEASE.
2. Buying boxes of cards instead of individual cards. $4 for a single greeting card? Are you kidding me? Sure, they're funny/cute/memorable. But are they really worth it in the end when I want to write my own message anyway? I think not.
3. Budgeting for gifts. I always find myself with something I wasn't expecting: baby showers, birthdays, Valentine's day, etc. And then it's scramble, scramble, stress, stress trying to fit everything in. Not anymore.
4. Keeping track of my spending as it is. I've begun this whole list keeping thing since I can no longer remember anything...a combination of stress, pregnancy, and probably just life in general catching up to me. I want to also start writing down EVERYTHING I spend. Maybe not for the rest of my life. But definitely until I feel like I know where my money is going.
5. Not giving in to my spending urges. A.k.a. "Carrying it around the store for 10 minutes." Remember my TJMaxx post and what I said about carrying my purchases around the store until reality sets in and I can really see if it's something I need vs. something I just really want? Well...this applies to things I can't literally carry around the store too. It's called WAITING and putting a good amount of thought into things rather than PANIC PURCHASE syndrome.
6. Bringing a made lunch to school. I already do this. I made myself get into the habit last fall. It has probably saved us thousands of dollars. No, really. THOUSANDS (note: slight sarcasm but mostly dead seriousness). This is a habit I will continue. And I will continue to cringe as I watch my classmates not heed my advice and buy lunches/dinners/whatevers daily. And I cannot stop myself from calculating the calorie intake/cash outtake going on there. Oy.
Some of these probably seem very "well no DUH" but they're so easy to either forget or ignore completely. Of course I want to buy crap I don't need. Of course I want to go out for lunch EVERY SINGLE DAY. OF COURSE I want to buy everyone presents (giving is my love language, HELLO!). But should I? No...not necessarily. So here is to trying harder, doing better, and being a little bit happier because I'm being diligent and making an effort. Yay for feeling accomplished!

Photo: Unknown found via Free Financial Advice

Lazy Monday

2012-02-06T21:09:00.000-08:00

It's Monday night. Late-ish. I, of course, can't sleep. Why? Because I slept in AND took a nap today. Lazy much? Welllll...I was up until past midnight taking pictures at a classmate's deployment homecoming. But still...I can't really be surprised.
I began what might be my biggest painting project yet. I was not at all sure how I felt about it this evening as I pieced it together but now that it's actually BEGUN...it feels more promising. The assignment is a self-portrait that communicates something about who you are. Leave it to me to have it suddenly turn into three LARGE panels. This is going to bite. But...it'll turn out cool in the end (note: the left is a dragon, the right is a lion dancer mask...which I am not quite happy with the sketch of...and the center is a creepified me without eyes...I promise it'll get happier).
In other news, I stepped on the scale last week and was saddened to see I had reached a mark I hoped not to reach just yet. Not the end of the world, and I still feel like I've done an awesome job keeping things together...but I do realize I need to stay focused. Which is hard when there's a tiny person inside you with things she likes and WANTS. NOW. But I turned over a new leaf and have been more diligent in exercising and keeping track of what I eat. Like...no joke. As soon as I stop keeping track, that's when I suddenly eat an entire round of cake and a few piles of chocolate (you're welcome, baby) and forget I ate it and end the day feeling quite pleased with "how I did" and how I "kept control" when in fact...I just forgot what I ate. Woops! So...keeping track it is. This whole meal planning thing is going pretty well and I'm finding it fun. Who knew??
Well it is now midnight. I think the bed calls. Hopefully I will fall asleep. Hopefully. In the meantime, check this out:

I know, right??

Photos: Meself

The Dark Side

2012-02-01T06:37:00.000-08:00

Four years ago today, my lovely coworkers helped me get ready for my first date with John by going shoe shopping at Macy's with me. I bought two pairs of cute shoes which I still have today and I ended up getting blisters and bleeding in the pair I wore from walking around and talking so much with John. My mom's coworkers were convinced I was going to get mugged and my body dumped in a dark alley. Thankfully, that didn't happen. And here we are four years later. I love you more every day, John, and am so thankful you are not only in my life but are enveloped in it.
On another note, nesting has hit full on. No...I'm not senile and I didn't forget I JUST posted about nesting. But I have more to add. Last night, I felt like I joined the mom-to-be DARK SIDE: I printed out a cleaning schedule as well as a meal plan schedule. Yeah. Wow. I then proceeded to plan out meals and a grocery list to last most of the month. Have I lost my mind? Quite possibly. And the best part? I'm ecstatic about all of it. I'm SO excited, it's not even humorous. Okay. So it is still humorous.

Photo: Unknown found via Healthy Meal Plans

Nest

2012-01-31T18:10:00.000-08:00

I mentioned in my previous post that nesting wasn't a joke. I went through a period of time where I was oblivious to this nesting concept and when I heard about mothers-to-be going into nesting mode, I thought, "Well, surely it's not something they really have to do. It's just something they want...to be ready for baby, right?" Oh no. They have to. Believe me.
This whole nesting thing is weird. It strikes at the most inopportune times (ehem, when I'm supposed to be studying) and is very persistent. Here's a few examples of what I'm talking about:
-I find myself spending longer and longer periods of time in the future-nursery just organizing and "playing."
-I have a deep NEED to organize my entire house (read previous blog post). When I do organize, it's very satisfying.
-I washed some of Baby Chickpea's clothes as they say it's good to wash them when they're brand new. This gave me a great deal of satisfaction. I felt very accomplished while doing it and afterward as well.
-I have the sudden need to obsessively research things like cloth diapering, scour blogs about cloth diapering, calculate how many cloth diapers I would need for the first year of Chickpea's life, pick out my favorite brands online (but not order them), etc.
-I have my baby registries in a permanently open window on my computer. I check and recheck them ALL-THE-TIME to make sure I'm not "missing anything." Like the heck I'd know!
-When I'm not doing all that, I'm worrying about keeping the house clean for baby, researching cars, and just overall being distracted.
That gives you a wee glimpse of what nesting is like...at least during this phase. I'm sure a little later into the third trimester (oh yeah, I'm in the third trimester now!), I'll be scrubbing floor boards, washing curtains, dusting ceilings, and polishing the windows with q-tips. That sort of obsessive behavior. It's perfectly normal. Or so they tell me.

Photo: Unknown found via Lunch

Pinning!

2012-01-27T05:17:00.000-08:00

So I finally discovered Pinterest. People have been talking to me about it (talking AT me) for quite awhile now. Even my own MOTHER beat me to it and has been the Pinterest queen for quite some time. I decided it was time for me to grace the place with my presence...and then I realized I had NO idea what I was doing. Pinning? Boards? Huh?
But no fear. I've since figured it out (sorta) and am enjoying some inspirational creativity...which hopefully will come in handy when I finally get this baby's room in order. I need pictures and I need them on the wall ASAP. This echoey room nonsense is getting to me.
In other things, it may come to no surprise to you...or you may already know that...what I mean to say is...sigh...
I LOVE TJMAXX. I could practically live there. It's true. When I still lived in Washington, the TJMaxx was definitely not my favorite place to go. I was much more of a Ross person (but I hate to say it, South, the Ross' around here are downright dirty, grimy, and a little frightening at times...sound familiar, Walmart?) and didn't understand the wonder that is TJMaxx until I honestly moved to North Carolina. I'm not sure what changed...or maybe regionally, North Carolina just has awesome TJMaxxes. Or maybe it's because I now have a house. I'm not sure what the answer is. I just know...ever since buying our house and getting our house essentials elsewhere and then walking into TJMaxx and seeing the very thing I had been searching for...for the price I'd been searching for...and the color I couldn't find, I realized TJMaxx is the place for me and there's no reason to buy household stuff elsewhere unless you've checked there first. It's a recovering shopaholic's worst nightmare because it honestly only makes sense if you're willing to impulse buy. Not ALWAYS, mind you. But...let's be honest. Yeah. Yeah almost always. You know that coat might go on sale at Macy's so you leave it. At TJMaxx, if you leave something, believe you me, you will never see that item again. Very rarely have I left something behind and found it again at a later time. It's like digging for treasure, really.
Yesterday, I bought out the store. Wait, let me explain. I've made some rules for TJMaxx as I've been known to get out of hand in the past. Yes. The PAST. I have done SO well the past two years (wow, I really do sound like an addict now, don't I...). The rules were set in place when I realized that impulse buying is just much too dangerous there. Now...with what I said before about it being necessary when shopping there...you have to have a rule of thumb. Sure, you could find 12 pairs of the heels of your dreams. Should you buy them all because they won't be there tomorrow (or later this afternoon)? Of course not. You're ridiculous! That is why rules must be made because the temptation is real. So here are my TJMaxx rules:
1. Make a list (outside the store...preferably at home on a day when you aren't planning on gracing the public with your presence...like in your pajamas...why is this important, you ask? Because then you won't be tempted to go out and SHOP) of the things you are looking for or needing. Yes. NEEDING. I'm not talking about "1 pair of really cute green heels." This list is things you could actually use ("could" is a dangerous word so be very, very careful). For example, if you had a wedding to go to but no heels to go with your chosen dress, THAT would be an okay time to find those green heels. But don't buy shoes to buy shoes. Then...when you find yourself at TJMaxx, you have the list in your mind (hopefully) and have an aim. Believe me, going in there without an aim is suicide. On your wallet.
2. If it's on clearance, buy it. But carry it around the store for at least 10 minutes first.
3. Going along with Rule #2,whatever you plan on buying, on the list or not, impulse or not, carry it around the store for at least 10 minutes first. Trust me. This is a huge deal for me. I have put back many a pointless, buyer's-remorse-inducing purchase with this rule. Because hopefully (if you have an ounce of sense in your body), the novelty of the item will wear off and you'll realize that it's not on your list and it's certainly not something you need or really want to pay all that for.
Now...that's it. I have other rules I'll make for certain days, if necessary. For example, some days I will avoid the bag and shoe department altogether because I know it's just not a good idea. I am a strong believer in not just buying crap to buy crap. I've learned this the hard way so TRUST ME. Or at least hear my tale. I donate anything I don't use. And after seeing bags of unused things go to donation, I knew I was accumulating too much for no reason. It brought on more buyer's remorse than gleeful happiness. And that's just not worth it to me. So...the rules are necessary.
ALL OF THAT being said...I made some larger purchases yesterday at TJMaxx. But guess what? 99% of them were on my list. I'm starting to go into this frantic organizing mode as my nesting instinct is slowly kicking in. I had very specific things on my list (specific is key) and I found MOST of them, surprisingly. I also found a large baby item I will be needing. And it was $100 less than the one I had registered for on my baby registry. Um...HELLO! So...all that being said. Yes. I bought quite a bit. Did I break the bank? No. Do I have buyer's remorse. No! I am THRILLED with my house getting organized (I'm telling you...this nesting instinct is NO JOKE). I put up some hanging shelves in my pantry and almost cried I was so happy. That's how crazy it is. But yeah...organization. LOVE IT.
So...I guess that's all I have to say about TJMaxx. For now. Just...shoppers beware.

Photo: Unknown found via Interior Design Ideas

Pillow of Doom

2012-01-27T04:07:00.000-08:00

Pregnancy Pillows: Not for the faint of heart and should have a warning posted on them: Will not make sense to your body at all until you have a baby belly to speak of.
John bought me my pregnancy pillow pretty early on in my pregnancy. I had this weird idea that it would come in handy early on in pregnancy (in fact, a book even told me so! Lies...). And maybe if I was one of those people that enjoys being strangled in my sleep, I would. But I'm not. So the pillow quickly became a movable object that resided on the bed during the day and on the floor during the night. I tried sleeping with it a few times and gave up after probably 2 minutes because I felt like I was trying to cuddle with an irritable octopus. One word: suffocation.

Now, there are a variety of kinds of pregnancy pillows (who knew, right?) and I have what's called the Snoogle. It looks like the above photo (which is oh-so-deceiving with how comfortable it looks). I was so excited to get it in the mail and when it came, I tried it out right away. The curly ends stay curled. No. Matter. What. And I felt like the pillow needed a nice beating to loosen it up a bit. I got to the point where I wondered if it was a wasted purchase and all the hype was nonsense about pregnancy pillows and how they save you from insomnia later in pregnancy. Well...ENTER insomnia! This week I've had a horrible time sleeping. I've woken up 3 nights at around 4am and tossed and turned until I finally fall asleep...right before the alarm goes off. I was getting kind of desperate and miserable. Now...I'm not going to go out there and say, "And then my Snoogle made everything better! Yippee!!" Because that's not entirely true. I did still have insomnia with the pillow. But considering John is still gone (funny how even when they aren't deployed, we still go through these annoying "mini" deployments), I decided to give the pillow a go again (so I could hopefully figure out the ins and outs of it before suffocating him with it in the process of myself). Besides, I had been noticing it more and more difficult to find a comfortable position...what with all the RULES about sleeping later in pregnancy. Haven't heard of them? Let me enlighten you.
Rule #1: Don't sleep on your stomach. Or rather...haha, you can no longer sleep on your stomach because it's too big! Stomach sleeper? Too bad!
Rule #2: Don't sleep on your back. Wait what?? Yes, that's right. Sleeping on your flat back cuts off some artery while you're pregnant. Lovely.
Rule #3: Don't sleep on your right side. WTF are you freaking serious?
Indeed. They are silly, annoying rules but apparently they are the rules of pregnancy sleeping and don't worry about hurting your baby or yourself by accidentally sleeping in the wrong position because it is said your body naturally wakes itself up when it's in one of the "wrong" positions. So the LEFT side is your happy sleeping side. Right is doable...but I guess left is best.
So there you have it. You're getting bigger (and I am bigger...believe me...I had my first stranger say something about me being pregnant yesterday...so it's unavoidable now...and let me just say it was a NICE comment by the stranger...nothing snarky...), you're feeling more awkward (by the second...like tying shoes? Wow...), and on top of all that your body supposedly wakes itself up when it's in the wrong sleeping position. Enter strangulation device...I mean pregnancy pillow. Now, I will caution you. My first night or two was awkward. I am glad John wasn't there because the pillow inevitably ended up across his side of the bed. But more and more I found myself inclined to use it, even if just part of it for leg comfort, and finally, belly support.
So it is official: pregnancy pillows (or maybe it's just the Snoogle) don't make sense until you get big enough. THEN...then they quickly grow to be a close friend. Do I look as snug as the lady in the photo? Not a chance. But it's finally working for me so I won't complain.

Photo: Snoogle found via Maternity & Baby Shopping Mart

Soon...

2012-01-25T19:04:00.000-08:00

I think this is well said. You should read it.
It's no mystery how horrified I feel about how self-esteem is so twisted in the minds of girls these days. I still struggle with my own...but I don't remember being obsessed with how I looked when I was 11. I remember snarky comments that I moved past. I remember wondering if what people said about me was true. But...now, it's beginning even earlier for girls. It breaks my heart. I hope in the depths of my soul that I can break the cycle in my own family...and hopefully help to make a dent in the cycle of young girls and how they see themselves.
I've been getting larger lately (seems like a taboo thing to say seconds after talking about self-esteem...but you know what I'm talking about). This baby is definitely making herself known. I think I might have even spied a kick today and until now don't remember being able to actually SEE her kick through my belly. It's a beautiful, magical thing having a life inside you. I'm trying not to get used to it, trying to treasure every move and every kick and even when it gets a little uncomfortable...enjoying the wonder of it all. So far, she's been relatively gentle. I only remember once or twice while driving in WA that I felt compelled to complain of some low, swift kicks she was delivering. I know soon they will grow more uncomfortable. But I'm trying to keep the mindset that...those kicks are just reminders that she IS there (something I've been known to wonder about being as this pregnancy has really been quite chill)...and she is coming soon.
A good friend just gave birth to her second baby yesterday, a girl, and her name is Avaleigh Clare. She's beautiful and perfect and makes me want to fast forward time until it's my turn. I feel myself growing impatient to have my girl, my own girl. But God keeps whispering "patience" in my ear and I comply; I'm still afraid of labor. I almost said, "I'm not ready for labor." But I stopped myself because...who really is?

Photo: Unknown found via Factoidz

A Boring Skin Post

2012-01-24T05:54:00.000-08:00

Okay. Prepare yourself for a dull post.
Ready? Go.
This might be old hat to some peeps (what is WITH that term??), but I have serious skin issues. Pregnancy definitely made them worse than they've been since puberty. It was embarrassing. I literally started getting facials once a week (a friend was going to school to be an esthetician and she did facials as a student for super cheap...score!) and switched to a completely different skincare line. It helped and amazingly (I have horrible luck with skincare products) my skin cleared up.
So here's my dilemma. I'm still using this new skincare line, Dermalogica. It's great. But it has a horrible price tag. And I just feel ridiculous spending this much on skincare. But the flip side is I'm terrified my skin will go back to the 7th level of HELL if I switch. And WHAT, pray, would I switch to? I wasn't all that crazy about what I was using before either...so what gives?? Any suggestions, anyone?
I got a new batch of Dermalogica lotion and wash today but I want to swear it off once that stock is done. There must be a solution to this dilemma. MUST BE.

Photo: Unknown found via Best SkinCare Products

Switch

2012-01-23T19:08:00.000-08:00

I already feel like a jungle gym and I don't even have a child yet. Thank you, George.
I'm not sure if it's this baby, if it's just life in general, if it's the state of my spiritual walk, or if it's John being away but this song is so me right now:

I have a long, loving relationship with Switchfoot. I remember listening to them all the way from junior high up until...well...now! They hold something special in my heart...because I can hear them singing something special from theirs.
Most people didn't become aware of them until their albums Learning to Breathe or The Beautiful Letdown (or the movie A Walk To Remember)...but I've had them in my life since The Legend of Chin. I walked down the aisle to the song On Fire by Switchfoot. Maybe this baby will adopt a Switchfoot song of her own. Who knows. All I know is some music never gets old. Some music has an unexplained power; it describes your situation, wherever you are, and reaches deep into your chest until it finds not your heart but your soul. That's Switchfoot. They say the words I lack, all the things I think about God but can't explain...they have the words.
I've yet to see them live but hope to someday. And, like the Newsboys, I'm sure it will be like seeing old friends again.

A Life of Travel

2012-01-22T11:18:00.000-08:00

My baby cousin just arrived in South Africa and will be there for the next several months in an exchange through her nursing program at school. I'm both ecstatic and jealous for her. But mostly ecstatic. I know she's going to have an amazing time (she is already!) and this is going to be the experience of a lifetime. And probably one of many! Once you get the itch, it doesn't die easily. I miss traveling, missions trips, and just meeting people where they are in different walks of life. My life has changed so much from where it used to be and where I vaguely expected it to be at this point in time. But...it's good. All of it. I wouldn't trade where I am for anything because I know it's where God wants me...as South Africa is where God wants Maddie. Oh the places I wish to go!!!...but they will have to wait a bit for this little life inside me to grow a little more.
Speaking of life, I felt this little Chickpea in my belly hiccup for the first time yesterday and she's been nothing but movement this morning. It sometimes feels like she gets more active the more stationary I am. As if she's saying, "GET MOVING!" So I will comply.
Off to study, get a hot drink on this gray day (it's finally getting cold, sorta, after such a mild winter!), and hopefully get some writing done. And take a decent picture of myself. I am required to turn in a decent photo of myself for something I will elaborate on later (it's still a little under raps, I think) but FINDING a decent, recent photo of myself is becoming a real challenge (I've found a few winners but they're ALL a little blurry...darn phone!!). So...I might have to take one. Which is no fun sounding on a day I wished to stay in PJs.

Photo: Madeline Johnson

Another! Another!

2012-01-19T20:22:00.000-08:00

So I'm not done writing. Deal. Or be gleeful! Your choice.
Some things I spoke about previously (click here) have come to pass. I think it's safe to say I have become friends with a former instructor. But I can't shake the feeling I'm walking on eggshells (wow...I just had trouble spelling "feeling"...either I'm very tired...or pregnancy brain has done its dirty work...). And it's entirely self-induced. But! I'm stoked that we actually made some progress and are acting more like friends than teacher/student and having normal-ish conversations and all that jazz. Now, if I could just let loose and be myself (just ONE stiff drink would be so helpful right about now...but OH NO!), I'd probably get over it. But left to my own devices, it'll take a bit more time. However...I'm TRYING to be normal.
How the HECK do you do that??
Now...let it be thoroughly understood that I'm not really an awkward friend. I'm not that awkward friend that hovers in the corner...being awkward. No, really. I promise I'm not. I am just slightly awkward now because 1. I highly respect this person and 2. I'm younger. And the age thing can sometimes be a factor for other people. I, personally, don't give a rat's ass about age (and yet I'm letting it dictate what I think she thinks of me...hmm...thoughts...). I generally have better conversations with 50-something-year-olds than with people "my age." And "my age" is really relative, isn't it? Are we talking years or behavior? Maturity or experiences? Errrr...the list goes on. My point is...I guess I don't want to give my former teacher friend (I need to stop calling her that) any reason to think I'm A. really young and immature, B. intimidated (tooo lateeeee), or C. weird. So...judging from those options, I guess this is a lost cause! Haha...no...I kid, I kid.
I'm actually pretty awesome, a very loyal friend, and generally a fun person to hangout with. And I realized today I LACK that right there: a chance to hangout. I don't have people that come to my house to just "hangout." I really don't. I'm not sure what happened.
Oh yeah. We're hermits. That's would do it!
But in all seriousness...it's more of a comfort and trust thing. I haven't really gotten to that point in a friendship with anyone here where it's normal to hangout at my house and it's comfortable. I MISS that; good grief, I miss that so much. When old friends come to visit, it's so natural. But people here? I just haven't gotten to that point. I guess I've had some bad experiences.
...
The more I read this post and the more I write, the more I sound somewhat pathetic. 11:15pm will do that to a gal. So goodnight.

Photo: Star Wars found via Brendan Cole

Lists

2012-01-19T19:46:00.000-08:00

A new page must be turned, starting now.
I used to be somewhat organized. No. Scratch that. I used to be somewhat able to remember things. I know pregnancy has some to do with it...but some of it is just...I have a lot more to do than I used to. I've tried daytimers and calendars and I never seem to use them. This morning, after completely getting off track about 3 times in a row, I finally made a list of things I wanted to get done that morning and afternoon. I got most of them checked off and felt SO much better. Some of them could have been very bad if I had forgotten. And the whole thing got me thinking: I think it's time to implement a new habit for myself...list making and scheduling. Today, I scheduled a time in the afternoon to go to a coffee shop and write. I cannot tell you how many times I've sat at my computer at home with the goal of writing on the tip of my brain only to be severely and irreversibly distracted. But today I scheduled it. It was GOING to happen at such and such a time. It WAS. And it did. I wrote for over an hour and a half. I rehashed things I hadn't touched in awhile and started looking for and fixing (or at least thinking and brainstorming) inaccuracies or contradictions in my writing. And there were several obvious ones I hadn't noticed before. It was SO FLIPPING encouraging to make that kind of progress. All I've been writing lately is notes, ideas, but no actual writing. So it was a very productive and encouraging day. I found myself not wanting to stop despite my laptop's battery waning.
So...the moral of the story is...I must start making lists. Lists, lists, lists. Schedules for my day, plans for my time, lists for what to do even if it's not all completed in one day. I'm excited. I feel like I waste SO much time doing nothing all the while I have SO much that needs to be done. This will be good for me. And it's time for a change.
Top things for my list tomorrow:
Read Art History
Organize/Declutter
Mail Return
In the meantime, here is some GOOD reading.

Photo: Lloydfineart found via Chennapenna

3

2012-01-17T19:24:00.000-08:00

3 years ago today was our wedding day; I married my best friend and since that day we've only grown closer. Every day of marriage has been better than the last and God has strengthened us each passing day. Just having John in my life, even amid the periods of time apart, has made me happier in so many ways. My life is richer, more fun, and always brighter because of him. As my dad said it the day John asked for my hand, "John, you are Rachel's antidepressant." And it's true. Of all the things I thought I wanted and needed in a husband, John surpasses all of them. And has so many traits I would have never thought of but which I could not survive without if I tried now. Just another reason proving how much better God knows me than I know myself.
So, technically, we have still yet to spend our anniversary DAY together. But we made it a point to spend this past weekend together since our first two anniversaries were spent apart and we were not about to be without each other the entire week of our anniversary.

On Thursday I drove up to Norfolk, Virginia, where John is going through some training for a month. When he got off work on Friday, he surprised me with a huge bouquet of roses and lilies. All weekend his hotel room smelled of them. That night we got to see some old friends who used to be in our former squadron who lived in the area. It was great catching up with them. Saturday we explored and had our anniversary dinner at McCormick & Schmick's; the first time we ever ate at a McCormick & Schmick's was one of our last nights in Seattle when we first moved away in 2009. The second time was this past Christmas trip back to WA. It was marvelous, romantic, and delicious and I felt like we were back on one of our dates. Has it really been three years? The rest of the weekend we had adventures, explored some more, ate good food, saw giant ships and carriers and even a sub, and saw The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. (Yes. Believe you me there is going to be a separate post about this. There is MUCH MUCH MUCH to be said. So keep your eyes peeled. Hint: it'll be BEFORE the Christmas posts. ;)) The final highlight of the weekend was on Friday night when John got to feel our Baby Chickpea kick for the first time. He'd felt her overall form before (because she likes to park in the front of my tummy in the early mornings) but never her kick. He felt her again on Sunday. :)
I left late Monday afternoon and as I pulled out of the parking lot and watched him walk back into his building, I couldn't help getting choked up. It's funny how we have gone through extended periods apart and yet just being away from him for a few weeks still cuts deep; every time I drive away from him, my heart breaks a little. It really does. Thankfully, the feeling is mutual.
It was a simple weekend, a relaxing weekend, and the best anniversary weekend I could ask for. I love you SO MUCH, John. Thank you for being there for me always. You make me strong.

Commissioning

2012-01-16T19:04:00.000-08:00

So a lot has changed. And this is why.
I mentioned awhile back that I got my first real commission. This is true. I finished it a few days before Christmas and mailed it off to its final destination. I didn't hear much after that besides that it had indeed arrived and my friend was excited to give it to her husband (she had decided to do something extra special for him since this was his first Christmas home in a few years...just like John). I honestly forgot about it. We had Christmas, went to Washington, (which I WILL write more about...I was planning on copying the photos from John's computer this weekend but completely forgot...so...we'll have to wait a bit), and somewhere in the middle of the trip I thought of it again. I texted my friend to ask how its reception had gone; did he like it? How had the reaction been?

The response was overwhelming. She said they all adored it and were so excited to get it framed. I was ecstatic, of course, and again forgot about it for awhile. Last week, I remembered I hadn't uploaded it to my album on facebook of artwork and since it was past Christmas and now "safe" to do so, I went ahead and did it. This is where it got REALLY overwhelming. But in a REALLY good way. The response on facebook was insane. I had comments from friends of friends asking how they could reach me. I had friends raving up and down about it and asking where they could get theirs. Since then (that was last Monday), I've been asked to do six art commissions ranging everywhere from pin-ups to musician tour promotional art to pet portraits. INSANE, I'm telling you.
Now the piece I did is just a cellphone picture. The colors are a lot more vibrant...it's just better in person. They have since framed it which looks awesome. I LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing works I've done framed and on peoples' walls. It's a huge compliment and I just appreciate being able to see it. I enjoyed doing this piece a lot. Surprisingly, I had a lot more trouble doing the dad's hair than anything else in the picture. I was pleased with the finished product and was confident they would like it...but never did I think it would generate this much attention and from complete strangers.
All I can say now is I'm grateful and very, very overwhelmed. I'm trying to stay calm and pace myself as I know that I am 1. a full-time student 2. pregnant, and 3. can only do so much. But the fact that this has all happened so fast brings me SO much joy and the encouragement has been through the roof. I am so excited to see what I am still capable of as I continue to learn.
So...I am busy. And I might be booked up for a little while. But if you're interested in getting any work done, shoot me a message or comment on this post. We might be able to work something out. :)

Photo: Meself

Straight Edge Idiocy

2012-01-16T18:30:00.000-08:00

Made a very disturbing discovery this weekend: they actually make straight edge nail clippers.
Let me back up. For some time now (ehem...since we got married), I've been baffled and annoyed at my husband's inability to cut his toenails in a way that refrains from slicing my legs and feet up in bed. I did my best to instruct him in the ways of toenail clipping, thinking that my dear husband had been neglected as a child and was not properly instructed by his own mother like any normal person should be. He has made an effort...and things have somewhat improved. But I still find myself being grizzled between the sheets by his razor-sharp nails. What the heck gives??
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I discovered the answer this weekend: they actually make straight edge nail clippers. And all this time I was blaming my poor husband and his poor mother...
Now that the concept has sunken in, I'd like to vocally bring forth the question in all our minds (well, at least mine anyway): WHY the heck do they make straight edge nail clippers? What could their purpose possibly be? I feel like the invention of a curved nail clipper completely makes a straight one obsolete. WHY are they still selling these murderous and pain-inducing things in stores?? These are all things I wish to know. Like...right now. I seriously feel like I'm missing some BIG, OBVIOUS reason as to why they are still on the market if they a. simply don't do their job properly and b. induce pain on others. It's like still having lead paint available in stores...almost.
So...my silliness aside...I literally had an audible "AHA!!!" moment when I made this discovery. I plan to remedy the situation. Stat. Until then, carry on...and watch the feet.
P.S. John, I'm so sorry I blamed you for this all this time.

Photo: Unknown found via A Sharper Razor

Pre-Christmas Fun

2012-01-13T11:45:00.000-08:00

Being our first Christmas actually together, I previously mentioned we did as many Christmasy things before Christmas as we could stomach. Here are a few special moments of that time:
-Live Nativity-

I'd never been to nor heard of a live nativity before and I was very intrigued by the idea. I also couldn't pass up the fact it was SO close to home and FREE.

Yes, please. And who doesn't love a hayride and singing Christmas songs?

Overall, it was fun, cozy, and a great representation of the Christmas story in a creative way.

-Candle-Lighting at Tryon Palace-

Tryon Palace, the historical governor's mansion is a place most residents have been. Neither of us had ever been until we heard about the candle-lighting and we figured it would be gorgeous for Christmas time.

Tara doing her thing with the fife and drum corps.

The mansion.

The fire/sword swallower pulling a nail he just hammered into his nose/head/brain.


My natural reaction to sword-swallowing.


Carnival performers.

Beautiful fireworks on the water.

We weren't disappointed. From an evening spent almost ENTIRELY in candle-light, to watching a friend perform in their fife and drum corps, to enjoying a warm drink after a tour of the mansion and finishing the evening off right with the best fireworks show I've seen in Eastern North Carolina (beat out all the 4th of July fireworks I've been to see in town x10), it was a great night. And we ended it by discovering a new little wine bar!
We also went to our church's Christmas Cantata featuring David Phelps which was amazing but we didn't get any pictures.
And of course, cookies...

Mixing, mixing!

We can't forget the baking days. I think we did 2 or 3 full days of baking in our pajamas which was awesome. And then we conveniently pawned most of it off on base for other people to eat. :)

Hate Religion/Love Jesus

2012-01-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

The most profound thing I've seen/heard so far this year. To many more of these moments of truth:

Sassy Back

2012-01-11T19:33:00.000-08:00

The sassiness is back.

When pregnancy began, I had several people tell me that I had become sassier and through the first semester it was very, VERY apparent that this observation was dead-on. At the beginning of my second trimester, I seriously felt it slip. I was much more timid, emotional (I cried twice while taking down our Christmas tree...but there were other reasons for that too...but still...), and just more chill in general. NOW...I can feel the sassiness resurfacing. I wonder if it will stay long-term or just for pregnancy. And I love that I checked and I have an entire label called "sassiness."
Today, I had my second confirmation that we are indeed having a GIRL. It was as if it were an answer to my previous blog post. I also had an extremely realistic dream about her on Tuesday. This is rare as my dreams are normally: A. Really, really weird or traumatic, B. Always about baby boys (at least my pregnancy dreams have been), or C. All of the above. I dreamed about birth (which was the only unrealistic part as it wasn't a big deal) and holding her and her smiling. She was 6 pounds and I just remember looking at her and being in awe. I can't wait. :)
Now shut up and get me a snack.

Photo: Unknown found via RTW 365

Dear Daughter

2012-01-09T22:17:00.000-08:00

It's much too late to be writing posts...or anything else for that matter. But here I am...and I promise it'll be quick.
Yes, I'm back in NC. My trip home was stressful but lovely at the same time. Having John there was more than I could have ever asked for.
Yes, I'm back in school. Classes began today and I'm both overwhelmed and excited.
Annnnd subject change...NOW.
I have a classmate who is convinced I am having a boy. Despite the ultrasound saying otherwise, he is still sure of this and was sure of it before the ultrasound as well...so much so that I almost hoped she would be a girl just to spite him. This whole experience has made me think of people who are told they are having one thing and then end up having another. I have a cousin whose girlfriend thought she was having a boy and out came a girl. It happens more than people think despite modern medicine.
I want a boy someday. I would have been equally thrilled if she had been a boy. I think at this point I would be shocked and a little in denial if she turned out to be a boy because I'm so used to thinking of her as a girl...in the same way I'd be shocked and a little in denial if I believed she had been a boy and she came out a girl. It's something to think about and makes me ponder how people get SO sure about things that only God knows for sure.
I went searching through some old notebooks this evening. I wanted to start keeping track of art I sell and commissions I do and I have a knack for buying and saving tons and tons of journals and notebooks with fun covers. This is not even mentioning sketchbooks. I was required to have one sketchbook for every class I had last semester (4) and I didn't have to buy any of them. I think I had about 8 just lying around, many of them hardly used. As far as journals and notebooks, I have about 7. And I've FORCED myself to NOT buy any more until I've used some up. So I thought using one for my art and commission records would be just the thing. While going through one candidate (because you can't just use a used journal for any purpose once it has been written in...it has to make sense...if you have the beginnings of stories or poetry in it, I feel like it's a crime to use it for anything other than creativity), I found some old writings from when I was 19 years old. A lot of it was just pointless notes I could throw away; bus schedules, budgets, bible verses, book titles, etc. I thought I had combed through it and found the empty pages when I discovered more writing at the back with empty pages in the middle of the book. I was shocked to find something at the back I hadn't thought about since probably the day I wrote it: A letter. But not just any letter. No, this was a very specific letter to a very specific person. It was a letter to my future daughter(s)...written when I was 19. (As I write this, my I-think girl gently but more vigorously boops and kicks in my stomach.) It was something precious that I had forgotten about. I could hardly believe it when I read it.
This is what it said:
My Daughter,
As I write this, I don't know your name or face or personality. I have never met you. But I love you more than I could explain audibly.
I look forward to the day when we are introduced. But until then I wait patiently, praying for you as often as possible and shaping you slowly into the beautiful, amazing woman you will become through my prayers.
Life will not always be easy, little one. And often, very often, you will wonder why. Is there any hope or purpose to this brief life we are given? Though you may doubt it in your frustration, the answer is YES. There is hope. There is a purpose. Not only does life have purpose but YOURS does.
You are beautiful. If there is only one thing I can teach you besides the love of God and the relationship He longs to have with you, it would be these three words. You are beautiful. No matter what the media says, no matter what people say, no matter how strange you think your body type is or whether you have facial hair or stretch marks...YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I can never tell you this enough and I hope I will do you justice by letting you know this truth: You, my daughter, are beautiful, stunning, amazing, unique, forever original.
Long before I knew of you, God was creating you, designing every detail of your body, mind, and personality for not just one but EVERY stage of your life. And do you know what He did when He finished? He sat back and said, "Wow. Look at how wonderful she is. She's perfect, every detail exactly how I wanted her."
My sweet little girl, I cannot say I will be a perfect mother to you. I will make many mistakes. As will your father, whoever he may be. We are humans and no human being was ever perfect besides Jesus Christ. I wish I could be perfect, never let you down or hurt you. I have learned that although it is our instinct as people to want to depend completely on someone else...or no one at all...either way is unsuccessful. The only thing I can assure you will never let you down or hurt you or leave you...is the Lord. I know how tired you must be of hearing that. I know I am. But the more I run the more lovingly He holds me. He is the only way. No other person can ever make you complete. Only through Him can you be whole and be the best, become the best person you were made to be.
The Lord never made a mistake while he made me. I'm not always happy with who I am or how I look, but that is the result of the media and not doing what I know better to do. But you know what? I am perfect. My "flaws" as I see them are perfect and beautiful to God. This is me and this is how I was always planned to be before the beginning of time. And I am so beautiful. The curse of low self-esteem was passed to me from my mother who got it most likely from her mother. But you, sweetheart. You will not suffer from this curse as I did. I am going to do the best I can to cement you in your image, a good self-image that reflects what wonders God sees in you...not "flaws" the media claims you have. You have no flaws, little girl. YOU ARE PERFECT. Do not be prideful. You don't have to try to prove your beauty. It's already there for the world to see. A smile, a genuine, self-confident, happy, joyful smile is more stunning than any supermodel on any magazine cover. Remember that.
Never tear others down because of their appearance. Do not judge because of how people look. And if I do, tell me to stop! Look closely...sometimes the "plainest" looking people are the most beautiful jewels when given the time to show it. Don't judge before you know someone. You don't want people to do that to you. Believe me. I know and it's not a good feeling. I don't want that for you.
Always remember...I love you and am so proud of what you're going to become. You are so beautiful to me. Never forget that. And never forget to smile.
Love, Rachel Your Mom
Written: July 12, 2005, Age:19

It's something priceless. And it must be said that this was written at a very low point in my life. I did not feel beautiful and had a hard time seeing hope in the future. But I think God wanted me to write this...even if it was just for myself...even if my girl turns out to be a boy after all. There are words there that I needed at that moment in time...and even now.
I just wanted to share that. Hopefully someday my girl will hear what I needed to tell her...what I needed her to know.

Photo: Unknown found via Photo.net

Welcome

2012-01-01T23:03:00.001-08:00

Another year is here and I can't help but feel SO far behind in all I have/want to say. But what else is new? I am always in a state of catch-up, always wrestling to reach or maintain a certain level of something all the while wondering who set up the "rules" for this unattainable time line. Oh yeah. I did. Heh.
I'm in Washington. We are exactly half way through with our visit and it has been a muddle of emotions including but not limited to: joy, giddiness, sorrow, anger, and happiness. There has been some frustrating moments but having John with me has given me the sanity I desperately needed; his support is irreplaceable. I feel like I'm in the midst of very difficult lessons to be learned. And what better time than the beginning of a new year? I'm overwhelmed by tomorrow but trying to keep today my focus of attention.
So you guessed it...no real trip details now. And I'll probably avoid the nitty gritty anyway but our adventures will be recounted when I return to NC and have pictures in hand to post. And we are having our share of wonderful, timeless, and priceless adventures. So stay tuned. And join me in welcoming this new, new year. May you hold many things, full of wonder, growth, deep learning and love, 2012. You are welcome.

Forward

2011-12-22T04:50:00.000-08:00

My community college has a horrible habit of waiting until 5 minutes before the following semester to post grades. I know it isn't the teachers' fault because I know for a fact they post them a certain date and the school simply doesn't release them until WAY too late. Thankfully, I finally got a hold of mine.
Now, I KNOW that community college is easier than going to a university or 4-year college. I know this because I've been to a university. I know the expectation is higher and the work load is usually heavier. With that being said and now that we're all clear I KNOW the difference between a 4-year institution of learning and a community college...I made straight A's and my GPA is higher than I ever imagined it would be. As surprising as this is to me (I never really cared about grades when I was younger and didn't really TRY my hardest in school...now I am definitely putting in effort and I care), I keep reminding myself it is community college...but that doesn't keep me from being very humbled, very proud, and feeling very, very blessed for having some amazing instructors who see potential in me that I don't think I could see even as short as a year ago.
The truth is (and this might be old hat for a lot of people but sometimes it's still a surprise and news to me)...(did I just say old hat?) is I have a very twisted view of myself. I've grown out of a lot of my insecurities or have just learned to look past them. But I've realized the past year just how much I really despised myself over the years...and for no apparent reason. I suspect it stems back to a particular ex (not JUST him of course...a lot of this is just me believing lies about myself...but he was a contributing factor!) which is why you should always be very careful who you date; you don't know how they are going to change your life...for the better or for the worse. This particular person has taken a very long time to overcome...and I don't in any way mean "get over." It was more like...he possessed a part of me. And being unable to regain that part, I felt bound to him no matter how much I fought to escape. Suddenly, my every movements could be seen through his eyes...and I didn't like what I saw of myself. It came down to hating the way I walked, the way I talked, thinking I was an overall idiot. Which I'm not. This originally all happened back in 2005/2006. I has taken me nearly 6 years to grow past these hurts. And earlier this year I made a lot of progress with the help of God, my wonderful counselor Iris, and some sentimental burning of journal pages (and I could have sworn I wrote a blog post about it...but of course now I cannot for the life of me find it...oh well...it's probably for the best for now).
Of course, John helped me get past a huge portion of this odd self-hating just in the way he selflessly loves me. But it amazed me how these things would still surface even after being happily married for several years. There is a quote on a door in my counselor's office and it goes something like this: People are deep wells that no one can see the bottom of...one can only imagine what is down there by what comes floating to the surface. And this is very, very true to so many people. Because of the lies I've believed about myself for so long, I let those things block what my true potential could be. I was terrified to go back to school...because I was sure I would fail. Not in grades...but just fail in general. And it wasn't until I recognized how utterly ridiculous that fear was that I was able to go ahead and go through the process of applying and registering for classes. Here I am over a year later. I survived. In fact, I'm doing much better than surviving despite a deployment, a pregnancy, and everything else that has crossed my path with a challenge.
I guess what I'm getting at is...I've grown. And I'm so thankful. It's still a daily struggle to stop the self-critical thoughts...which I'm sure a lot of classmates would find hilariously ironic. But I've been delivered such a long way from where I was and I know God is with me and will continue to carry me as long as I am willing. And I am.
On a side note, in my search for the "perfect" photo for this post, I ran across the one above and I truly find it breath-taking. It is by the ever-so-talented Jasper James and I really love his work and am so glad I just ran across it. It speaks volumes and his series of "city silhouettes" are just beautiful. You can see his personal site below.

Photo: Jasper James found via Feature Shoot

Baggins

2011-12-21T09:40:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if I can truly, clearly express how very excited out of my wits I am about the preview above.
In a word:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. But why can't it be THIS CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's beginning to look a lot like...

2011-12-20T14:54:00.000-08:00

Christmas. And it is. Although the weather is CONVINCED it's spring. And it's almost convincing me...but not quite.
Not having school has me feeling odd. But in a very nicely relaxing way. It's so nice to be able to get things done around the house, to stay up late and be able to sleep in a little if I want, to wake up with John and make him coffee in the mornings...these moments are precious even if they're very, very simple.
It's finally the week we've been waiting for. Our Christmas Eve is on Friday, the 23rd. Then it's off to see the family...I'm so excited and yet still trying to savor every minute in the now. I'm so excited to make our own Christmas dinner after my parents' tradition of having cheese fondue and Hawaiian meatballs for Christmas Eve dinner. I've never made it myself and I'm stoked to try. It's the strangest tradition but one of the tastiest traditions we have. We aren't in the least bit Hawaiian, have never been to Hawaii and don't have a strange fascination with Hawaii in the least. I think I had a beach towel once that said Hawaii on it...but that's about it. We just like their meatballs. And if I get the chance to go there someday, I'm sure I'll love the place as well. But until then...bring on the food.
Last week was a week of Christmasiness. I stuffed as many Christmasy outings in as I could and thankfully they were relatively easy on the pocketbook.
1. Wednesday we went to Encore (my former choir)'s Christmas Concert. It was much better than they're last concert and they seemed a lot more polished and like they were having a lot more fun...two very good things. It brought back some good memories of when I was still a part of their ranks. I laughed most of the evening.
2. Thursday we went across the highway to a local church's live nativity. It was free and you could go through it with your car or go on their hayride. We, of course, chose the hayride and had a lovely time and even got to sing some carols.
3. Saturday we went to Tryon Palace in town for its Christmas Candle Lighting. We've never been to Tryon Palace and I think this was the perfect event to introduce ourselves to it. Everything but one tent was lit by candlelight and we enjoyed a tour of the palace before exploring the grounds, buying some tasty treats in their gift shop, seeing a friend perform, watching a real sword swallower, and finishing the evening off watching fireworks from the dock and enjoying a snack at a local wine bar that just opened along with said friend.
4. Sunday (I wasn't kidding about cramming as many things in as possible, was I?) we went to our church's Christmas Cantata in the evening featuring the singer David Phelps. He was incredible, it was incredible and we left feeling very warm, fuzzy, and joyous.
It's now Tuesday. I enjoyed a 3 and a half hour long lunch with a friend (moments like these warm my soul and energize me to creative action) and am now trying desperately to get the house tidy for Christmas all while trying to unjumble my Zune mp3 player. It has become a thorn in my side...and I don't generally enjoy thorns in the side. I've never been a huge fan of Apple products...but after this experience with a Microsoft product, I am seriously questioning my decision to go for them instead of Apple. The Zune has been nothing but a big pain and from what I've read online, others agree. I have managed to remedy some of the problem (which was a legitimate problem and not just DUMBNESS on Microsoft's part, thank goodness) and am now trying to fix the other problem: the fact that it only has John's music on it and not much of mine. Which means I go to listen to something I have lots of like say DC Talk or Switchfoot and fine AN song instead of several full albums. Very. ANNOYING. Best to remedy this before flying to Washington. Yes. I agree. Indeed.

Photo: Unknown found via Best Price Nutrition

Carb Junkie

2011-12-16T05:22:00.000-08:00

My cat is a carb junkie. As well as small, chewable objects: rubberbands, paperclips, hairclips, bobbypins, small unidentifiable sharp pieces of plastic...that sort of thing.
When he was a wee kitten, he ate said piece of sharp plastic and had to have stomach surgery. We've been constantly reminding him ever since that that surgery will NOT be repeated if he eats something again. He'll just have to poop it or puke it. To this day, we don't really know what the piece of plastic was from or how he got a hold of it.
But back to carbs. George loves carbs. LOVES them. For example, yesterday I made a double batch of banana bread muffin things. I put them into large ziplock bags and had them on the counter, ready for frosting. They were there most of the day, untouched. After going out in the evening for less than an hour (mind you, I was gone MOST of the day which gave him plenty of opportunity but OH NO!), we came home to find one bag chewed through and over 6 muffins munched on. SERIOUSLY?? Then this morning I noticed our bread was all teeth-marky too. This cat...no wonder he isn't losing any weight. I have him on a diet but what good does that do if he's constantly binging on carbs? I cannot count how many times he's eaten my or John's cereal if we step away from the table for 0.04 seconds. Whenever something drops in the kitchen, he is there. In fact, he has become our regular garbage disposal for kitchen drippings. Spill some drops of batter? Call George. He'll have it clean in a jiffy. It's safe to bet that as long as whatever falls on the floor isn't fruit, George will eat it. This does apply to plastic and vitamins so we try to be quick when those fall. Bean will come along when George grabs things from the floor but she doesn't really understand why she's there once she gets there. She knows she's missing something exciting...but isn't quite sure what. Bean is a little bit more sensible about what she puts in her mouth. To some extent. She eats fur, hair, and string (she's not the sharpest...every time we brush either of them, she eyes the brush and loose fur like it's a tasty snack...??). But that's where she draws the line. No plastic. No carbs other than a crumb here or there...not ENTIRE mouth-fulls like George. She isn't the brightest crayon in the box. But at least she has some sense...some of the time. The only other weird thing she'll eat is watermelon. LOVES it.
This last photo is titled "In our absence, she grew quite close with the kitchen sponge." After returning from a short trip, I came home to discover her cuddling and snuggling the kitchen sponge...which she had obviously snagged from the kitchen sink. Oh Beanie...

My kitties are weirdos but I love them. And they're my babies. I'm interested to see how they react to when I have a REAL baby.

Photos: Meself

In A Name

2011-12-14T04:47:00.000-08:00

The big question I've been bombarded with lately is the name of our baby. John has it down to a science. When people ask him if we have a name picked out, he simply answers "NO." I, on the other hand, am much too honest and admit we have a few names narrowed down but haven't decided yet which then prompts the asker to then ask what those few names are so they can "help" us choose. No offense to anyone who has asked this question...but...NO. I need to get into the habit of just saying "NO." You see, the beautiful thing about being given the quest of choosing a name for your child is no one else knows what it is. Period. It's a surprise, an unveiling when you introduce that beautiful, well-chosen name to the world. When it comes to sharing prospective names, I always think it's pretty risky. Although there are many, here is the largest reason why:
My mom had my brother quite early. He was 4 pounds and stayed in the hospital awhile to make sure his lungs and everything were fully developed and ready for the outside world. My parents hadn't found out what gender they were having so they have two names picked out, one girl, one boy. While my mother was still in the hospital, she was visited by a woman and her daughter. I want to say they were from my parents' church. After cooing over my brother, they asked my mom what they would have named him if he had been a girl (my brother's name is Caleb). My mom told them. They then proceeded to make a huge scene about what a big relief it was that he HAD been born a boy since the girl's name my parents had chosen was gross, horrible, and ugly.
Let me let that sink in.
*pause*
Okay. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? As much as you'd like to think people have enough sense to keep their mouths shut especially when talking to a brand new mother about HER child's prospective name, they obviously don't. People say stupid things. And I've come to the conclusion that unless someone is going to name their child something I know they will regret in the future (such as the name of a fatal disease, the name of a porn star, etc.), I have NO right to push my opinion on them to taint whatever name they adore. NO ONE is going to love every name. That's why we are individuals with individual tastes and likes and dislikes. What's important to me may not be important to other people. For example, meaning is a BIG deal to me when it comes to naming my baby. The meaning should at least have some depth to it, even if it's just meaningful to me, personally, and no one else. My mother has always joked about how ridiculous her first and middle name are united in one name. Together, they mean Pure Bitterness. Yes, meaning is important. The second biggest factor is popularity. I do NOT want to name my child a popular name because I don't want them to end up in a class of 17 other Jennifer's and Jessica's. It doesn't have to be an ancient name that no one has ever heard of and I'm not a fan of made-up names with no meanings or meanings you make up. So as you can see, things that are important to me could have no bearing on someone else's baby naming task.
To this day, my mom still loves the name she chose for my brother if he had been a girl. And no...the name was not Rachel. Because of that experience of hurtfulness, my parents decided against naming me what they had intended for their girl. Rachel was the new name they chose and it stuck.
So before you ask what we're thinking of for our name and what my parents were going to name their baby girl, I'll just say both are private for the time being. And no, they are not one and the same.
To the Name Critical: please, please, please use grace and common sense and tread lightly when considering shooting down someone's favorite name.

Photo: Unknown found via Babies Names And Meanings

C is for...

2011-12-13T04:28:00.000-08:00

This weekend was cookie weekend. We both set out to make some of our favorite cookies and both found our cookie-making adventures cut short when we noticed the ONLY ingredient we lacked was enough brown sugar. We had remembered everything else. So...we made 3 different kinds and called it a day: Heath Bar Cookies (exactly what they sound like), Jan Hagel (a nutty, cinnamony bar type Norwegian cookie that is absolutely addictive), and Ginger Snaps (nothing goes with a glass of milk better). We hope to still make Rum Balls (I'm only allowed to eat one a day...because they are very dangerous...and no...the rum is NOT cooked out of them...I know this from experience), Chocolate Chip (John's favorite), MAYBE Angel Cookies (a favorite of my family's), and possibly some ol' fashioned Cookie Cutter Cookies (I have sprinkles and cookie decor and never-been-used cookie cutters that are begging to be utilized). Maybe some Sprits. We shall see. All in all, it was a FUN day. We stayed in our jammies most of it, messied up the kitchen together listening to Christmas music and taking turns dominating the oven with our trays of goodness, and then made a quick clean up. I'm realizing these days that we have such a good time together, we in turn forget to take pictures. I'll have to remedy that because I know these are moments we need to treasure for future Christmases apart. Still...it's hard to remember when you're having such a wonderful time.
I am officially done with ALL work and ALL classes. I'm thrilled...relieved...still completely unaware of my grades but thankful nonetheless.
Note: Most of the cookies are almost gone. And it's only Tuesday. We made them Saturday. Granted, we did give some away to friends and I brought a bunch to my last class yesterday. But still!! So I am going to try being good, eating better, and tracking my food on myfitnesspal again so I'm at least trying to be diligent and accountable. I realize I'm pregnant. I realize I'm supposed to be starving all the time. It's normal. I also realize getting bigger is inevitable. BUT...I want to do it as healthily and gracefully as possible. And I've been doing awesome so far. 18 weeks and only 6.5 pounds gained. So if I can keep that up, baby and I will be very happy cookies.

Photo: David & Goliath found via Abundance Basically

Elevensies

2011-12-12T07:17:00.000-08:00

My appetite is the size of Guatemala. It's true. This is the beginnings of a typical day in my second trimester: I got up with John and ate breakfast around 6:30. I had cereal, orange juice, and coffee. At 9:30, I was started to feel sick from hunger so I made myself a 3 egg scramble and followed it with a piece of toast. I'm still hungry. I will probably be hungry at about noon, again at 2 or 3, again at 6, and again right before I go to bed. If not sooner. SOMETIMES crackers suffice. Sometimes they just don't cut it. I am starting to feel like a hobbit. The following video will explain:

I also seem to have contradicting cravings. Let me explain: Last trimester, what I wanted most was steak and meat and what repulsed me most was...steak and meat. Today, I craved scrambled eggs. Once I made them, I could barely choke them down without gagging and had to follow them with a piece of toast to keep from being nauseated. It's the weirdest thing. I've had this with several other things and it makes me crazy. But so is pregnancy!

Boop

2011-12-12T05:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I think I felt the baby. In the morning, I felt a little sensation like someone just poked me gently in the lower stomach. I wondered if it was the baby but didn't feel much after that so I went on my merry way. Last night as I was trying to fall asleep I felt it again. And then again. And then when I put my hand on the area where I felt it, I could feel it through my stomach! I ALMOST woke John up. In fact, I tried to. But I knew he wasn't going to get much sleep as it was and needed his rest so I let him be. Still, VERY exciting!
On another note, I outgrew another pairs of jeans. But several people have said to keep wearing them and use a hairtie to attach the button and button hole for a few months. So I'm going to go with that. They're only too small when I button them. But fully zipped, they feel fine.
So the big news of the weekend: we got ALL of the furniture for the baby's nursery in one go. I had been inquiring about cribs and furniture on craigslist because I really didn't want to buy new (SO expensive). After not hearing back from most of my inquiries, I got a response and Saturday John and I borrowed our friend's truck and drove down to check it out. The listing was for a crib and dresser as well as an in-plastic new baby mattress to go with the crib. It was a really nice couple who happened to be in the air force. We checked out the crib and while we were there they jokingly asked if we were asking for any other things because they had quite a bit of baby stuff for sale. To make a long story short, we walked away with the crib (fully convertible into a full bed), dresser, mattress, a kelty baby carrier backpack, a full set of cloth diapers (I want to try it out), AND a rocker and footrest. All for under $300. It was INSANE and such a huge blessing. They were the nicest people and we might end up buying a jogger stroller/bike trailer from them later on once they clean it up and decide on a price. The guestroom/nursery is now a little chaotic and halfway put together. The only issues we found with our purchases were a small rip in the rocker's footrest (big deal!) and two bolts were missing from the crib but I'm sure we can find them at Lowes. That pretty much takes care of ALL the furniture we'll need for baby. I'm SO excited, LOVE our purchases and feel like we really got some quality stuff. The crib is real wood (not particle board) as is the dresser and they're lovely. Once I have everything set up, expect pictures.
Okay, I'm done geeking out about baby stuff. I am off to study for my FINAL class's quiz of the semester. And then I will be HOME FREE, HOMEFRY!! Yey.

Photo: The Pillsbury Doughboy found via Geocaching

Catch Up

2011-12-09T11:37:00.001-08:00

It's my catch-up day. I survived the end of the semester. SURVIVED!!! I technically have one more class and a quiz and a project due that I've already finished. But I'm not concerned. It will be fine.
So today is catch-up day to recover from all the crazy school days where I couldn't help with dinner or do anything to clean up the house because I was busy plastering dresses and painting things. However...it's 2:38pm and I'm still in my jammies. However, I have done some laundry and am steadily cleaning up the kitchen/diningroom/etc. I now have Christmasy smells going through the house along with Christmasy music...while I waste time on this machine. It IS nice to just relax with little on my plate besides the quiz and baking cookies either tonight or tomorrow.
Last night I had my first official experience of no longer fitting a piece of clothing; a pair of pants. I could still button them but they would have been very uncomfortable. So I said that is that and set them aside and wore preggo leggings instead which were SO comfortable. So I guess it has begun! Thankfully, they were a pair of my skinnier pants. The jeans I wore before I lost 20 pounds are still much too big for me...which makes me glad. I have still only gained about 6.5 pounds. And although my appetite has changed dramatically in the past few weeks (example: despite eating a HUGE dinner last night, right before I laid down to go to sleep, I was shaking with hunger and felt like I was going to puke if I didn't force-feed myself some crackers.), I am trying to eat healthy and just eat lots of tiny meals instead of...lots of GIANT meals. Heh.
Lastly, I was just taken off the waiting list for one class I REALLY need to take to graduate. But I already registered and paid for another class in its place. Now I am trying to decide whether to give school one last big hurrah before baby and register for this one as well and make it 5 classes next semester...I know all my instructors are understanding of my situation...I just need to decide quickly.
If I didn't already explain what happened, I was all registered for the 4 classes I needed. And then poof, I get an email saying "SURPRISE!! You've been purged from ALL your classes!! YAY!" So basically...my school booted me from my classes because one of my scholarships had been retracted...but they never TELL you that you haven't finished paying tuition. And they won't register you for what you DO have money provided for while dropping the remaining class your money hasn't covered. They just purge you happily while a bunch of other people take your place in your classes. Which makes NO sense to me because wouldn't a school take your money regardless? So WHY would they deny your money by turning down ALL your classes because your money falls short of your FINAL class? It's just...moronic. But...to make a long story short, after some pleading and finagling, I got back into 3 of the 4 classes and got wait-listed for the 4th. I registered for another class just in case the 4th class never came through. And now it has...so......I think I'm going to bite the bullet and take it. Because I should. And as my mom pointed out, I have more energy now than I did earlier in pregnancy. So. There you have it.

Photo: Unknown found via 1000AwesomeThings

Friendship Dating

2011-12-08T19:24:00.001-08:00

Have you ever had that feeling where you're dancing around friendship with someone? I seem to find myself in these ridiculously annoying situations where I REALLY get along with someone, think they're awesome, and they seem to think I'm not too shabby myself...but we never actually establish a friendship; I mean a REAL friendship where you have each others' numbers, you hangout when you can, you talk and are open with each other and love each other despite your differences and flaws. I LOATHE THIS WEIRD BEFORE-FRIENDSHIP PHASE THAT NEVER SEEMS TO GO AWAY. Loathe it. It literally drives me crazy. It makes me think questions like...so do I assume we're friends and get their number and suggest we get lunch sometime? Or do I wait for them to suggest it? Or...do I just keep my distance? It almost feels like dating. Friend-dating. And it's STUPIDLY annoying and much too complicated for what it is.
I am in this situation with several of my instructors. I think it makes it even stranger/odder/awkwarder (ha!) since there's that student vs. teacher thing and I don't know where their boundaries are with that. Am I off limits for friendship status until I've graduated? Are they cool with being friends with students? Am I being a creepy, annoying student that won't leave them alone? Sometimes I wonder...and then wonder why I even have to wonder these things. Yeah. It's that awesome. I hate feeling like that awkward person. And yet I'm feeling that way. I'd be kinda stoked if all of this would just stop. And I could just make some friends who are at my maturity level so I don't have to feel like I'm babysitting 13-year-olds all the time. Sigh.
It really is like dating! And I was never good at that part of dating. I was a pretty direct person when it came to dating. Either it was going somewhere or it wasn't. I don't like to have my time wasted or to waste other peoples' time so I generally would ask the boys out that I was interested in because I got tired of waiting for them to get the hint or to wait and see if they'd have to balls to do it themselves.They didn't. Not worth my time. And I hate indecision. I HATE the "What do you want to do?" "I don't care. What do you want to do?" situation. I used to do that when I was younger and timid. Never again. Now I will make a decision just so it's made and I don't have to listen to the monotony and get annoyed with whoever I'm with because they can't pick what meal they want to share. WE'RE HAVING TERIYAKI AND THAT'S FINAL! Is any of this making sense? It's a rant. I admit it.
I just want to become real friends with these people because I think they're quality, intellectual, funny, unique, creative, inspiring people. I feel like I'm on the border. So how do I get past security?

Photo: Unknown found via Buzzlol

Her :)

2011-12-07T08:38:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was the big day. We got up at 6, left extra early and arrived with 15 minutes to spare for our first appointment. Our first appointment was with a genetics counselor. I will go into further detail about that at a later (but soon!) time because I think it's time to shed a little light on a few important things. But before we do that...I'll just summarize that appointment by saying it was informative, what I needed to hear, and painless. Then was the goody giddy part. ULTRASOUND!! We sat in the waiting room and about 15 minutes after our appointment time, we were called back. It was BUSY BEES in that office so I wasn't surprised we had to wait a bit. It was worth every single second (and I read some interesting articles anyway during the wait).
We had a wonderful ultrasound tech named Stephanie who was very sweet and within seconds, our little bundle was up on the screen above me. All either John or I could do was giggle. The ultrasound lasted a whopping hour and a half. My first one was probably under 15 minutes...and I have zero complaints because we got to watch our...er...baby (patience, patience...even though you already read the post title...) for that long. She was much more developed, much more active and OOPS did I say SHE?? Yes, I did. It's become habit and it hasn't even been 24 hours. Our lab tech asked what we thought we were having. After telling her I thought baby was a girl and John thought baby was a boy, she said, "Well...I THINK you have a little girl..." All we could do was giggle some more in excitement and watch in wonder. She was ours. She was a stubborn little thing and didn't like to get into the positions the tech needed her to in order to check everything out. This made us both giggle and laugh and every time I laughed, we could see her jiggle around a little bit. By the end of the appointment, our girl curled up in a little ball in a tight corner and wouldn't budge. She had spoken. So we let her be. We are THRILLED to know we're having a baby girl and cannot wait to get to know her further. God, what a blessing.

Photo: Meself

GOOD DAY to you too...

2011-12-05T09:44:00.001-08:00

I think every day should be like today. It's just one of those GOOD days.
Reasons today is an unusually good Monday:
I got enough sleep. I went to the gym...I haven't been to a the gym in a WHILE and it was so worth it. Baby was happy. I started tracking my food again on myfitnesspal.com. I really want to be diligent about that so that I don't go CRAZY and gain 70 pounds during this pregnancy. No thank you. Yay for myfitnesspal.com and control. TOMORROW we find out the sex of the baby. WEEE!!!!! I'm just in a really good mood. Blame it on the wonderful workout and getting things done before class.
In addition, I just posted some NEW robots for sale in my Etsy Shop. They are adorable and you should buy them. Oddly enough, after being on Etsy for how long (??), I've made 4 sales plus a few off of Etsy in the past month. It's been strange and nice and odd. Odd and strange because I basically got to the point where I didn't care...and then and only then did I sell anything. So...word to the wise...don't give a crap. Apparently it works.
I must now go prepare dinner, pack up my crap (I mean stuff), for class, and try to get this awesome happiness and good day to continue until 9pm when I finish with painting class. :)

Some more...

2011-12-04T18:12:00.001-08:00

As I mentioned before, it's the final week of 3 of my classes. This means, as an art student, that I have no final "tests." Which is fabulous. BUT...it means I have several LARGE final projects. And...I feel very worn thin because of it. But it definitely makes for some interesting moments.
For example, yesterday I plastered a dress...to myself. To make a longish story shorter, it didn't really work. Proper plaster (and this was anything but proper) "sets off" which basically means you have a small window of time to do what you plan to do with it before it hardens and must be carved or tossed. When it "sets off," it generally gets hot and starts to thicken from a batter consistency to a thick dough...and then finally to a very solid...er...solid. I should really start a saying that goes, "It's all fun and games until someone sets off the dress." Well...this, as I said, was not proper plaster. Because it would have worked. And it would have been cool. What happened was this. I found myself with two choices. Either I could stand in my garage, pregnant, barefoot, wearing a cold, sticky, damp dress for several hours until it dried (despite using a hair dryer AND a heater, it was not drying fast)....or I could call it a loss and figure something else out. So I chickened out. I hung the thing up after half cutting, half peeling it off my body, took a bath to rid myself of paste and such, and went upstairs to paint feeling a little defeated. The next day, for kicks, I touched the hanging dress to see if it had ever decided to dry. It had. And it had become something entirely different than I had expected. It is now the texture of hardened parchment. It's a solid form hanging from a hanger...and...it's very interesting. It's what my instructor Elizabeth would call a "happy accident." NOT at all what I set out to do...but not entirely unfortunate either. I'm finding myself more and more drawn to it and interested in it.
So there you have an example of an interesting moment with an interesting out-come. I'm thinking of turning the dress into a multi-media dress and collaging it. We shall see.
I don't remember mentioning this until now. So I'll mention it.
We decorated for Christmas BEFORE Thanksgiving. I think we are allowed since it's been several Christmases since John has even been here. Our tree is up, our livingroom decorated, our front porch adorned with lights. Our tree is even on a timer so it lights up every day at 4:30pm which results in a little muddle of funny voices since some of John's ornaments are hard wired to the tree and they talk when turned on. I can't help feeling all cheery and joyful every time I enter the living room. And John fully agrees. You can see its cheeriness in my post here.

She or Him

2011-12-04T16:14:00.001-08:00

In two days, we will find out our baby's gender.....
I'll let that sink in for a minute.
Okay. Enough sinking. I AM SO EXCITED. I am beside myself in excitement. I don't really know what to do with myself. And being the last week of 3 of my classes, that makes for a very bad situation to be in academically. In a small way, I feel like we're meeting our child really for the first time. Even if we don't know what they look like yet or how their personality is, this is our first moment of knowing them deeper than being aware of their existence. And I am joyful. We both are. John will be able to see the baby for the first time in the ultrasound and I am stoked to see her/him again.
It's been a strange weekend. I find myself literally unable to do what it is I need to do. Which is quite a bit. Yesterday was my work day. I got a lot done. But there's still more that needs to be done. But I can't seem to wrap myself into it, to dedicate myself to it. I'm just ready to be done for a break. Ready to concentrate on more important things of timelessness. What are grades? Okay, okay...they are important. They are. But sometimes I wish they'd just pause so I could drink everything in. I'm ready for Christmas. I'm ready for this baby (as ready as I can be for now, I guess). I'm just...ready. For change. Lots of it. Stay tuned, dear void.

Photo: She & Him found via Consequence of Sound

Considering Mary

2011-11-28T13:38:00.001-08:00

The post-turkey ick. I think this is my first experience with getting sick after thanksgiving. And it's not real fun. As a result, instead of gaining a few over this glutenous holiday, I have lost weight. Thankfully, I'm slowly feeling better...but I am still restricted to the BRAT diet. And I always forget which each letter stands for. Bread, raisins, apple sauce, toast? But isn't toast bread? Bran, rhubarb, apple sauce (because that's the one I'm sure about), and tortellini? I'll never know. But I'm pretty sure the first one is close. I'm so BORED of toast (which I ran out of yesterday), apple sauce, and whatever...but any time I stray from that diet, I find myself instantly regretting it and feeling horrible. So...bring on the toast, I guess.

Yesterday was the first Sunday of Advent. Advent is a tradition that my family kept for many, many years growing up. Somewhere along the way, we fell out of it. And I've always missed it since. So for our first Christmas together, John and I decided to recognize Advent. Or more I just decided we would and he thought it was a good idea too. Finding the right readings was a little bit of a chore because apparently a lot of people out there have gone out and made their OWN "version" of Advent. So...forget the age old traditions and meanings deeper than your family roots could ever dream...let's just come up with something quick, catchy, and meaningless. Yay!! Needless to say, I was not thrilled and quite annoyed as I searched and search for the ORIGINAL Advent celebration I grew up with. And with a few friends' help and my mom, I found it. And it was wonderful to share with John. I want to refocus this year. I want to REALLY see and feel the meaning behind this holiday, the birth of a Savior, a child, which feels so much more close to home than it ever has before. I find myself pondering Mary, curious how she felt; was there fear amid her trust and faith?
I hear about mobs trampling people over Black Friday sales and just feel so disconnected from this entire society. I've bought maybe two Christmas presents so far and don't plan to buy too many more; Christmas must be simple this year. But why isn't it always simple? Why does it become this big SHOW, this competition for the biggest, bestest (yes, I said it) present and decorations and crap? Because that's what it all is. Yes, it's wonderful to be with family and I'm so excited to be able to bring John back to WA to see mine. But that isn't what this "season" is about. And I think at times the church even forgets that, falling into the pitfalls of this society and culture.
This year I choose to refocus and pray that my vision will continue to be enhanced throughout the years to come as I pursue this Savior. I've failed so many times before and I know I will again...but I pray this pursuit will change this damaged heart.

Photo: Unknown found via The Confessional Outhouse

Intro + vert

2011-11-25T17:56:00.001-08:00

I get to a point where I need to run away sometimes. When I lived at home, I'd run away by myself or with my mom. We'd run away together...usually to the mall or target for a few hours. I'm not sure what it is. But mostly I know it's proof that I AM an introvert, despite what people might think. Someone I know defined introverts and extroverts by how they get their energy and how that interacts with people. If you get energy by being with people, you are an extrovert...while if you get energy by being alone and NEED that alone time, you are an introvert. And I am 100% an introvert.
I'm definitely more social than I used to be. I remember times in highschool when people would ask me to sleepover at their house and I would call my mom and get her to tell me I couldn't and to come home...simply because I didn't have the heart or guts to say, "No, thanks, I'd rather not." My mom and I had a little phone-call intuition and she could just always tell when I needed "rescuing." Over time, I've gotten better. I have more time to recharge. When John is deployed, I have too much time to recharge on my own and have to force myself out to see people. Because I get energy from people too. I just usually NEED my solo time more than I NEED to be with people. The wonderful thing about John is I rarely if ever need a break from him. We are content in silence sometimes and it's enough quiet and calm to help me recharge without having to climb into my closet for some peace...which has been known to happen when I'm overwhelmed by company. Call me silly or weird...I just need my ME time.

Thanksgiving has been wonderful this year. We made all of our own food in our own little house. We had John's mom and step-dad Mark over as well as a classmate of mine for dinner. We laughed, ate, and were generally merry. It was wonderful and I treasure it. Thanksgiving morning, John and I woke up early because we were both so excited. It felt like Christmas morning. And Thanksgiving evening, I fell asleep to John sleepily saying, "This is the best Thanksgiving I've ever had." I quite agree.

With that being said, I'm in runaway mode. But I don't have anywhere to go, other than the study and my closet. I need my time now. Even the kitties are in agreement and enjoy the quiet solitude with me. I am sorry to be rude...I truly don't mean it. I just know when I need to escape. If I don't escape, I start to get snippy and when I get snippy it just spirals downward from there. So escape is my option of choice. Give me a day or two and I will be as good as new. I am a poet and I don't know it. Aren't I special in the second picture?
P.S. Baby quite behaved his/herself and only complained of hunger a few times, after which he/she was thoroughly fed with lovely, tasty things. I believe they approved of Thanksgiving quite fully. No pun intended.

Photo: House found via Fuckyeargreghouse

Gob

2011-11-22T17:42:00.001-08:00

I won't even go there and say, "I can't believe it's already narrowing in on the end of November!" because by the time I do that, it'll be mid-December already. I'll just say this: time is flying...and it's not always a good thing. But I guess it's not terrible either. Despite some intense changes in the past few weeks (losses, heartache, laughs, quiet moments, memories, classes classes classes), I'm still alive. And my patience is paying off...my tummy is starting to feel a little rounder. After a full meal, I can pass off for a pregnant woman. But most of the time, only I can tell. Which I am in no way complaining about. As much as I want to "start showing," everyone tells me once you start, you can't stop. And I completely get that. Even now I'm shifting in my jeans, thinking "Are these tighter? No, they're the same...but...are they?" But that's life right now. And as strange as it is to have your body changing before your very eyes (and nerves and muscles...oy, I do feel those changes!), it's very exciting too. I heard Baby's heart beat for the second time yesterday. And hopefully in a few weeks we will find out if we're having a boy or a girl. My head is still having trouble wrapping around ALL of this...because up until about two weeks ago, very little evidence showed that I was pregnant at all. But reality is setting in...and I'm liking it. So is John. I find us talking to my belly more, and imagining how that last meal must have thoroughly satisfied this baby into a food coma or this next meal better because this baby is HUNGRY. It's fun.
It's almost Thanksgiving. John's mom and stepdad are coming down for the next few days and unless a few friends I invited take the invitation, it might just be the four (and a half) of us for Thanksgiving. But we always keep ourselves entertained so I know it'll be great no matter how many people are present. I'm just excited to have an actual Thanksgiving with John let alone in OUR house. It's nice to start some traditions of our owns and have a chance to even think about traditions when this is our first for everything.
Today was my last class of the week and honestly it couldn't end soon enough. I started the morning with the lovely news that I had been purged from ALL of my classes next semester (SURPRISE!!!) and had to clean that mess up throughout the morning. I was able to get back into three of the four and am waitlisted for the last one. Soooo...we shall see if I get them all back or not. But let's just say I'm ready for a wee break. I've been home longer than John and have yet to find the energy to clean for company...meanwhile he is fervently vacuuming and cleaning the study (which I think has never been cleaned of vacuumed since we moved in this house) so...yeah...I need to get with it. THANKFUL FOR A PATIENT HUSBAND.
Anyway...Happy Thanksgiving from ours to yours. As much as I miss my family during this time of year, I am so thankful to be spending this holiday with John's family who has become my own.
P.S. While cleaning, we keep finding little sentimental reminders of Grandma. Sweet bittersweetness.

Photo: Michael DiGiorgio found via Natureartists

Verna

2011-11-17T19:28:00.001-08:00

Today, my grandma went home to be with Jesus.
It's a strange, bittersweet feeling having so much to say and no words to say it all with at the same time. But I'll try my best:
My grandma Verna is my last living grandparent. She lived to a ripe age of 93 and I know she would tell you she enjoyed a very full life; I know she's been ready to go home ever since my grandpa passed away about 18 years ago. But she stuck around and I'm sure it was mostly for all of our sake.
There are so many things that surround my memories and thoughts of my grandma: fearful moments of listening to Goldilocks and the Three Bears told over and over again when I was no older than 3, her retold stories from her childhood all the way through the present and the way her gums showed when she laughed really hard, her wavering vibrato singing hymns and always, ALWAYS harmonizing (not to mention all the songs she taught us as kids), her ability to never stop surprising us all...that's my grandma in a few simple words. She was an example of true love in the way she loved my grandpa and he her. She was also a never-ending example of the persistent love of Christ, always in pursuit, always patient, always hopeful and steadfast. My grandma endured heartbreaking hardships in her life, yet you would never guess it from the joking, gentle-mannered woman before you.
A memory came back to me over my birthday; we knew grandma was close to crossing over then and it was only a matter of days. It always shocks me how something we've anticipated for so long can still hurt so much when it comes to reality. And with that sobering fact came the flood of memories of every time I spent with her. But one in particular jumped out at me...one I almost had forgotten.
It isn't a profound memory. Just moments that I had misplaced until now that are now tenderly dear to me. I was a teenager. Probably fourteen or so and grandma wanted to spend the day with me. In Seattle. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect as I have no other memory of going to Seattle with her so I went along in anticipation of what she might have up her sleeve. I don't ever remember going through a stage where I thought grandma wasn't "cool." So I knew whatever she planned for us would be fun and memorable.
We rode the bus to the ferry and rode over to the big city. I don't remember how we got there but I'm assuming we bused to Pike Place Market and she took me to a small diner-ish restaurant overlooking Seattle's waterfront. It was simple, quaint, and in the heart of the market. Afterward we went to the ladies room before hitting all the stalls and drinking in all the sites of the market. I had just been given my first manual film camera, a metal canon that weighed as much as me, and was eager to capture everything. On our way out of the ladies room, I found my path blocked by a large burly man in biker gear. Grandma, in her sly ways, somehow maneuvered around him but I was blocked and he engaged me in conversation before I could escape despite grandma's desperate hand motions and gestures. With breath heavily laden with alcohol, he asked, "Are you a natural red-head?" The answer is no. I'm not even sure if I had red hair at the time which would make this story even more awesome but I honestly can't clearly remember. I answered no and before I could continue, grandma yanked me out of my captive state and we fled to safety but not without overhearing the drunken man continue his conversation with the empty place where I had been standing, completely oblivious I had disappeared. After a hard laugh, we continued into the market; the rest of the day was brimming over with coffee, little treasures, timeless pictures (one of which you can find in my mom's livingroom), fancy lotion, and then finally, our trip home.
I'll never forget that spirit of my grandma, determined, steadfast even when her legs would fail her, sure of herself despite wandering eyes. I hope to be like that someday no matter what happens.
It cannot be said of many people that everyone that knew them spoke highly of them but grandma was and is one of those few. I have never heard an ill word spoken of her and instead have inhaled and exhaled endless stories of her virtues, her love of children, her love of Jesus. And that in turn has fed my own love for Him and has deepened my foundation in the only foundation worth having; He is my only hope and I know He was hers too. And I can't help but smiling in my sadness because I know that my family's mourning is far out-shined by the great joy she is experiencing now. How I miss her...but how I celebrate the true beginning of her life, the only one of true worth, with her Savior. And with grandpa too.
Goodbye for now, Verna. I love you.

Birthday Opera

2011-11-11T13:28:00.001-08:00

There are few words to best describe the past few weeks other than STRESS. But we made it through and November has begun with a running start; here it is already MY BIRTHDAY!! Okay so it WAS my birthday. But my weekend was SO full of goodness and spoilings, I barely had a moment to blog. So here I am.
We arrived in Virginia late Thursday night and almost found ourselves locked out of John's parents house around midnight. But thankfully we were able to get in without breaking anything or waking anyone. Friday, I had the great opportunity to visit a fellow-but-much-advanced-over-me artist; John's parents' neighbor Jim is an oil painter and I was beyond stoked to visit his home studio. I realized while I was there that I've never really been in anyone else's studio before and it was so inspirational to see his works in progress and his entire set-up. To sum it up: I want his house.
Friday afternoon we visited John's mom at her work and met some of her coworkers (she temps there but this is her 4th or 5th time there so she's gotten to know people...and if you learn one thing about John's mom...it's that she becomes best friends with whoever is in a 5 foot radius of her everywhere she goes.) before heading out to buy groceries and dinner (including sneakily buying my birthday cake without me really seeing it). While dinner was marinating, we watched Ratatouille (I'd had a hankering to see it again) and then dinner was served: steaks and shrimp goodness. A little later they surprised me with cake and if 26 candles weren't enough to burn down the house, John was mean enough to get me trick candles. After failing to blow any of them out permanently, we got a bowl of water to extinguish them and were a little alarmed that the fire alarms didn't go off with the amount of smoke that filled the kitchen.
Saturday was mostly a chill day. We did make it briefly to some outlet malls and I was showered with maternity clothes by both John and his mom (yay!) before we took off to get ready for dinner.

My birthday dinner was at Benihana, one of my favorite restaurants ever. John's parents came along with us and we had a wonderful time before taking off to go to the event of the weekend: the Opera at the Kennedy Center. We'd planned in advance for enough time to get there but being Veteran's Day weekend, there was some traffic, even with taking the metro.

We got there and rushed to the Opera House and John sent me ahead to our seat with my ticket while he used the rest room. We ended up getting separated and he had to sit in the back because the opera had already begun by the time he got there.

But we reunited at the intermission.
How to describe the evening...I don't even have an idea of how to start or end but what it was was marvelous. The opera is dark in nature and the set designer kept that in mind when carefully designing each scene, down to the dramatic, harsh lighting. All of the leads were AMAZING. The leading lady Lyubov Petrova, although said to be a hair shy of the other vocalist who sang alternate nights, was phenomenal. Like...literally...I have never heard a Soprano, or any singer for that matter, do what she did that night. So the thought of her being a hair shy of ANYONE sounds absurd to me.

All I can really say is...see it. It was deliciously dark, at times almost disturbing but enchantingly beautiful to see and hear. I couldn't cry because I was too dumbfounded and speechless to do so. I am now in search of a good recording and am sad I can't find one with our leading lady but hopefully her fantastic performance will get them going on making one. Hint hint.
The verdict? A wonderful birthday, my first as a married woman with my John.
P.S. Can you see a baby bump? I sure can. :)

Photos: Meself

Wrap Remedy

2011-11-03T12:23:00.000-07:00

I just had one of those magical pregnancy moments where you crave something, you acquire that something, you eat that something and...*drum roll*...it tastes as good as you were hoping/craving it would. So many times, you make something you think you want only to realize...oh yeah...ranch dressing no longer tastes like ranch dressing...it tastes like mayonnaise. Or oh yeah...apple cider now tastes like mustard. Nom nom! Thankfully this was not the case today. No, despite feeling very sick ALL DAY (what happened to the second trimester being all nice and feeling my best??) I made a wrap in my sickly stupor and forced myself to eat it despite the smell of the meat and cheese making me want to hurl and the ranch dressing tasting like mayonnaise. But one bite in and it was all good. The ranch suddenly tasted like ranch. The cheese and meat was suddenly delicious. Ahh...if only all meals were like this one.
The ranch...is honestly like a magic spell. As long as it stays IN the wrap, it tastes normal. But if it strays to a finger or drips onto something else, it suddenly becomes mayonnaise again. My world is chaos.

Photo: Unknown found via MayBowser

Halloween Time

2011-11-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

It's Halloween!! Okay, so I'm a little late. I started this post on Halloween, I swear.
Over the weekend we had a Halloween cookout costume party. Note: John and I NEVER have people over. NEVER. Like...the last time we had a group of people over was when we first bought our house...almost 3 YEARS ago. We are hermits. Absolutely hermits.
Anyway...we decided a Halloween party would be fun. A mix of my school friends, a mix of our military friends and voila! A good party to be had by all. When it comes to entertaining, I always stress myself out. Always. Hence why we don't entertain much. But honestly in the end it turned into a really good time, everyone got along, no one got crazily drunk or out of hand and we played fun games and ate awesome food.

I was a female sexy Harry Potter. A female sexy PREGNANT Harry Potter, might I add. John was Green Man from the show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Even people who had never seen the show got a kick out of it.

Other than that, we had a spider witch, a sailor, a business woman, a beauty queen, a pregnant skeleton, a dragon, a pajama lady, and a toothless vampire. How does that NOT sound like a good time? Eh? Eh?

Photos: Courtesy of Jessika McKeon

Phoget about it...

2011-10-27T20:21:00.000-07:00

I've been struck by the pho-ver. A friend just discovered pho (you know...vietnamese noodles of DOOM...the best kind of doom) and posted about it on facebook. Which caused ME to think about pho...and realize...I WANT IT. And of course there's no where around here that serves it. THAT I KNOW OF. So tomorrow, my mission other than getting over this cold, cleaning my house, and preparing for a halloween party that so far very few are coming to (this might be hilarious), is to find a place that serves pho...and go there...and eat it. So far, I found ONE place that sounded promising and it's very close by. I generally avoid Asian restaurants in the south because 9 times out of 10 they are not authentic. No real shocker there. But I always forget about Vietnamese places and honestly...I believe there is a larger Vietnamese population here than I realized (nail places? hello?), sooooo...I'm praying there is one. If not...I might be forced to drive long distances for some somewhere else.
Mmmm...just look at that. How can you turn that down? It's just pure goodness in a bowl. For all to enjoy. ALL, I say. The last time I had pho was in Williamsburg. John took me to Water Country USA and the night we arrived, we scrounged around for dinner and passed a little Asian place that was almost empty. We instantly knew pho was on the menu...quite literally. Pun intended. It was delicious and I remember not even being all that hungry but I ate as much as I could. Actually...now that I think about it, I think JOHN got the pho and I got something really similar but without the broth. Either way...noodles = awesome. And I miss them. If I fail in all of my attempts to find a pho place...I'll just have to make it myself. The real question is...will I be able to SLEEP until I have some wonderful noodles? And the answer is most likely no.
In other news...I gave my sexy skinny jeans one of their final test runs before I deem them too small. They're still okay...but pretty soon in a few months they are going to be WAY too skinny. Thankfully, I have only gained about 3 or 4 pounds. Soooo if I can keep that consistent through the rest of the pregnancy (3 or 4 in the 2nd trimester, 3 or 4 in the 3rd), I'll be good to go! Ha...like that's going to happen. In my defense...I think I'm doing pretty good. This whole eating thing is a whole different animal once you're actually pregnant. You make this nice little plan and it looks are nice and realistic on paper. Then you actually get pregnant and BAM you are literally eating granola bars in the cupboard that have been there for you don't know how long because they're the only thing in the house to eat...because you ate everything else. And then the thought of going to the gym is exhausting. However...it's gotten a lot better. My eating has calmed down (but most veteran mothers laugh and say I'm just going to get hungrier in about....NOW) and the gym has been a lot more manageable. Now, if I could just get over being sick...we'd be good to go. Now if I could just get some noodles...

Photo: Unknown found via Lotussia

Hello World

2011-10-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

Today was a very special day. In fact, last night I couldn't sleep. I was tired but I just could not make it to sleep until at least midnight. Morning came and that even seemed to crawl by. Finally...it was time. My first ultrasound.
Today, I saw our little baby fig for the first time (because this week, it's the size of a fig!). I saw Baby Wheeler's heart beat and heard it flutter, saw tiny feet, hands, body, head, brain (everyone who sees the picture assures me our baby has a big head with a big brain and it'll be smart like mom and dad), and at one point I even saw little arms wiggling.

Honestly, it all happened so fast. I was chatting with the ultrasound tech while she got everything ready and then suddenly there it was on the monitor. As I asked, "Is that...", I heard the little galloping hooves sound of our baby's heart beat, like a little seahorse...if seahorses had hooves. I never have and never will again hear anything quite like it. I totally teared up. After that the tech, clearly aware of my AWE and speechlessness, began pointing out what exactly we were seeing; identifying the head and feet and showing me a close up of the face (which was clear as day on the monitor when it was happening...the photo turned out a lot harder to identify...but if you look at it for awhile, you can see a little face...) and I don't know how she knew but at one point she said, "Oh! It looks like it's about to wiggle!" and then on cue, its little arms moved wildly.
I wanted John to be there so badly but I didn't let that put a damper on the experience and I know he'll be there for the later ones.
Up until this point, I didn't "FEEL" that pregnant. I've been a little sick, sure. But not enough to make me totally aware that another life is growing inside of me. But this experience...this was the REALNESS I craved and needed.
We cannot wait to meet you someday soon, little one.

Photo: Meself

Sleepless in Sickville

2011-10-24T21:05:00.001-07:00

To sick or not to sick. THAT is the question. Believe you me. It seems to me if I stop feeling sick from pregnancy, it's only natural I actually get sick. Ha. Thankfully, it's not that bad. Just a cold.
I decided to be nice and post a finished pic of my project-o-doom as well as the latest stages of my latest painting in painting class. Today was one of those days where I felt quite accomplished in class. Even if not that much ground was covered. It was still a nice day. And it's nice to have nice days.
I now cannot sleep. It began with some burpees. Yes. Burpees. I decided to do some before bed. So I did.

Then I laid down and felt like vomiting. Niiiiiice. Then I ate a snack followed by a morning sickness lollipop (which surprisingly works). It worked. And here I am. Fine but unable to sleep. Maybe it was the snack.
I've begun to write again. Slowly. I guess I never stopped but I find it easier to write these days on trips. I'm trying to make it a part of my routine. And lastly, I got my first real commission to draw. It's going to be good. But you'll have to wait to see it finished.
Off to dreamland...I hope.
Photos: Meself

Cut & Paste

2011-10-23T14:17:00.000-07:00

It's not an epic day. Or I should say I don't FEEL too epic today. It seems to be a weekend ritual; I'm usually fine during the week. The weekend hits and I suddenly feel sick and pregnant. Who knew.
I'm finishing a school project. It feels like I've been laboring on it for several months and it just never seems to end. It consists of cutting up tiny pieces of black, several different shades of gray, and white paper and getting glue all over my fingers pasting it on a friggin piece of bristol board that contains a grid. We're essentially blowing up a picture of ourselves in mosaic-ish form. In a 9 point gray scale. And it SUCKS. Actually, the almost-finished product is looking pretty snazzy. And it actually looks like me which I was seriously doubting would occur earlier in the process. But we're almost there. I'm just procrastinating and wondering what other forms of artistic torture are in store for me next. (I'm partially kidding...I'm learning a LOT in all of my classes...even if some of the assignments annoy me. But I'm getting something out of them regardless of their annoyance level.)
I decided to post an older picture of it. Because I'm too lazy to actually get up, finish it, and take a picture of the finished product. But I just might. Later. Now I smell grilling salmon. So I shall go follow my nose to the kitchen to my wonderful husband who is finally home. And then I'll tackle the paste some more and the world of peely fingers.

On the contrary

2011-10-20T20:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it amazes me how much time I spend with this machine.
+more than with my husband
+when I worked, more than I slept
+more than I actually talk to my friends
Those are all scary realizations. The scariest of all is the fact that the first one was a given and wasn't shocking to me at all (note: meaning I spend a lot of time apart from my husband...this does not in any way reflect the status of our closeness...I've never been closer to someone in my life...and I've never missed someone more in my life). I think a lot of people can relate to this waste of time. Thankfully, I definitely spend less time on it than I used to. School preoccupies most of my time and luckily very little of it is on the computer. But where has this contraption brought us? Don't get me wrong. I do love my computer and computers in general. I enjoy them, enjoyed games back when I had time for them, enjoy the internet thoroughly too much, and it allows me to communicate with people I love at lightning speed. But time is a very precious cost for things so trivial. Communicating with people I love isn't trivial...but what happened to old fashioned letter writing? Yeah...I'm not sure either.
Sometimes it amazes me how little I blog anymore. I look at the number of posts from previous years and am just SHOCKED at how lacking this year has been. Has nothing happened? On the contrary. Have I had nothing to say about it? On the contrary. Have I had no time? Bingo. And yet...you wonder how much of that time was wasted on the subject above. Hmmm...oh the irony.
So...here is to blogging more...I hope. Yet...somehow spending less time wasted on the computer. If that's possible. Because writing while on the computer is anything but time wasted. Here here.
P.S. It absolutely fascinates me how I find some of the pictures I put on this blog and how my brain + google comes up with them. And I'm the one writing the posts.

Photo: Unknown found via Mama Lisa's World

Donizetti

2011-10-20T06:23:00.000-07:00

I will be 26 this year. It will be my first birthday with my husband home and my first birthday pregnant.
When I was trying to think of what to do for my birthday, I was slightly at a loss. You see, I really wanted to do something memorable and fun (as always) and with the people I enjoy. But the more I thought about who that might entail, I became sad because so many of the people I enjoy live so far away (as previously mentioned in an earlier blog). And thinking of something to do that would not be met with complaints by some and objections by others (true story from previous years) tired me out. So I finally concluded to be exclusive and spend my birthday with my favorite person only: John. One problem solved. Now...what to do? I began by thinking locally and since there really isn't that much to do in the area, I broadened my views and began perusing through different theatre's websites to see what was playing in nearby (and not so nearby) cities. For kicks, John told me to look at the Kennedy Center in DC to see if anything interesting was going on. He said it would be expensive and was probably a long shot but worth looking into. My inlaws live close by so lodging for the weekend would be free.
At first glance, I didn't recognize anything that was going on the weekend of my birthday. Then something caught my attention: an opera. I haven't been to an opera since I was 18 or 19 when I first moved back to the states. I remember seeing Manon Lescaut by Puccini and although it wasn't the most cheerful of stories (of course, we are talking about opera, right?), I loved it. It's been 7 long years and I decided that it is time for me to return to the opera. But did I know anything about this opera at the Kennedy Center? The name didn't ring a bell; neither did the composer. I began "researching" it by the use of ever-so-helpful youtube videos. I clicked the first one and sat dumbfounded in my chair. I knew that. I KNEW that piece. And knew it quite well. The soprano solo was the same one performed in one of my favorite movies The Fifth Element. Remember the blue alien opera singer? Yeah. That one. I've loved that piece since the moment I first heard it. And here it was in its original operatic element, begging to be rediscovered and studied. I did more research and the more I read, the more I liked. So with John's okay, the tickets were purchased. We are going to the opera for my birthday! Yes, it's a grusome and horrifying story. It's Lucia di Lammermoor by Donizetti and it's most famous for the scene when Lucia goes mad after stabbing her arranged-marriage groom. Yeah. Pleasant. But it's OPERA! Needless to say, I'm excited. Yes. I'll be there, opera glasses and all.

Photos: Unknown found via The Guardian and Image Shack

Corn and such

2011-10-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

I found something new that makes me feel sick. Corn. Who would have thought? It sounded so good before I started eating it. And then I started eating it...and all the good started to fade. The only other things that gross me out are orange juice, eggs, and I think that's it. Coffee sometimes but not always. I've also noticed I'm a lot more sensitive to smells and unpleasant images. For example, I was at the grocery store yesterday and looking at a package of cookies completely grossed me out. I have no idea why and I can't even remember which cookies they were. Something about them just offended me. Oh the strange odysseys of pregnancy...
I find myself unable to get enough meat. I literally grocery shopped like a carnivore yesterday and when I got to the steak section, I could have eaten one raw. I know...gross. But there is something in me right now that craves blood and flesh. This baby wants MEAT!! And so it shall get some. I bought two pizzas, steaks, turkey sausage, a WHOLE chicken, and drumsticks. OH yes.
Morning sickness hit me with a fury this weekend. I think it was a combination of things but it was definitely the worst I've had by far. I heard that some people had motion-induced morning sickness. Up until now, I didn't notice much of anything. But Friday night, as John was driving us to his highschool reunion in Virginia, I seriously thought I was going to puke in his car. It was like being car sick...but for no apparent reason. I hadn't been staring at the floor or anything and I just gradually felt worse and worse. Finally, he asked if I had any crackers. It hadn't even dawned on me that it was linked to morning sickness because it felt so much like being car sick so I got some crackers and slowly they seemed to help. The rest of the weekend, any time we drove anywhere, I'd feel pretty sick. When I drive, I'm fine. But when anyone else does, I'm in bad shape. I'm hoping this is very, very short-lived. But I'm still thankful I've yet to ACTUALLY throw up.
In one week exactly, I get my first ultra-sound. It's still up in the air whether or not John can be there but I'm praying he can. If not, I'll get pictures and hopefully a recording. It's frustrating having your spouse miss things when they're deployed. It's even more frustrating when they're NOT and they still have to miss things.
I've felt off the past few days. Physically and emotionally. Thankfully, I've been able to rest. But I feel like my sleep has been shallow; lots of tossing and turning and strange dreams (which is not unusual...the dreams have just gotten stranger as I've gotten pregnant). I think part of it is John being away. I'm ready for him to be home and can't help having a cranky attitude about having to share him with the Marine Corps sometimes. But from Halloween (costume arrived!) through my birthday (first one with him home) and thanksgiving and Christmas until January 7th, he's all mine. Then on to more training. But at least he'll still be here. It's funny/strange/bittersweet to think this is his first winter in North Carolina and my third. And he'll be here for our anniversary (our first together as a married couple after 3 wonderful years together and apart) and Valentine's Day. Happy sigh. There is much to be glad for.

Photo: Unknown found via Anju's Kitchen Treasures

All By Myself

2011-10-09T11:00:00.000-07:00

I feel alone. Yes, my husband is gone. But I feel alone. For other reasons. It's the scary realization when you realize...I don't really have anyone that I could call in the middle of the night if I needed to. There's a few that come to mind. But it's the realization that I am seriously lacking friends. Good, old-fashioned BFFs. What's with that?
I feel like I keep meeting new people only to find that I spend most of my time listening to drama stories and gossip about people I don't know nor care to know gossip about. I think there's two maybe three directions of energy when it comes to friends. There are friends who need you which requires you to give energy to. Then there are friends who you need and that requires them giving their energy to you. Lastly, there's the friends where it goes both ways. You pick each other up when you're down and support each other. Annnnddddd it's those friends I'm lacking. The latter two. I think about my birthday and wonder what the heck I'd want to do because I don't HAVE many friends that genuinely make me feel GOOD when I'm around them. A good friend (who lives far, far away...they all live far, far away!!) just celebrated her birthday and had a wonderful party full of amazing people who adore her. Anddddd when I think about myself, all the people I think of who I know are the types of people who just make me feel alive...well they don't live here. All of my closest friends live so far away.
And so far the people I really feel a connection to...are my instructors!! My freaking instructors at school who are my superiors and as long as they are MY instructors, we can't really, truly be friends. Not REAL friends.
I feel alone!! I really do. I feel like I'm stuck in this eternal cycle of purging myself of unhealthy relationships to meet new people who turn out to be MORE unhealthy relationships and so on and so forth. John is my best friend, hands down. My mom is someone I'm closer to than almost anyone. My friend Jenna is the friend that I've stayed the closest with all these years. She knows me inside and out. We HAVE that friendship I crave and need right now. So why can't there be more Jennas in the world? Does being married mean you are incurably lonely in all your other relationships? Because that seems like the weirdest irony ever. The military doesn't help. Granted. But this is bigger than John being away.
I miss my relatives. I miss my cousins who are as close as sisters. I miss all of these things and more that I can't even put into words. And the clincher is I DON'T know how to fix it. I DON'T know where they keep all the awesome friend-to-bes. I DON'T know if there's a cure. But I know I can't continue with the self-destructive friendships I'm skimming by. And being pregnant does NOT make this any easier. At all. And with that...I'm off. (I know...talk about a depressing post with a depressing ending.)

Mums the word...

2011-10-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

I haven't had much to say lately. Which is semi-odd since a lot is going on if you think about it. I'm husband-less again as John goes to training up in VA. I'm pregnant and going to school. School is crazy. People are crazy. And maybe that right there explains why I have nothing to say: TOO MUCH is going on to talk or think. So I guess that's fine.
A lot of good things have been happening. I got to see Ravi Zacharias and Peter Kreeft speak live at my church which was amazing. I got to meet my doctor. I finished my first painting in painting class and began my second which is ENORMOUS and intimidating. I found out I get my first ultrasound in 3 weeks...something very unexpected and exciting. I went to Mumfest today and ate cotton candy (WAY too much) and gyros and grape leaves and saw a flash mob (pictured above) and listened to my former choir Encore sing and just generally had an awesome time.
I've been having stranger and stranger dreams. Most of them involve vomiting and having to pee and then I wake up having to pee like you wouldn't believe.
Last night I dreamed I worked at mywedding.com again except my position was "entertainment." My manager Jenn told me my job would be to sing to entertain the rest of the office. Awesome. I was also semi competing against an old friend from highschool who also had that position but he had his own BAND and they were kind of awesome. I couldn't even accompany myself. We were staying at this creepy old hotel and there was vomit everywhere (lovely, I know...I think I subconsciously worry I will eventually have to vomit due to morning sickness...) and I was supposed to change or take a shower or something in this little cubby hole but I didn't have a towel so I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. And then I woke up. Having to pee.
Other than that, life goes on. I feel less hungry than I was in the beginning but oh so tired still. Hopefully I'll have more to talk about next post. ;)

Photo: Meself

So far...

2011-09-30T11:31:00.000-07:00

9/8
I was so glad I chose to go to choir tonight. It was a good time of not concentrating on myself and concentrating on worship. I teared up at one point when I thought about having a baby. This is very overwhelming. But in a good way. I am also very hormonal. Just saying.
John called and he went crazy and ordered a bunch of baby books online tonight. He's so excited and so am I. I can't wait to actually be together again so that we can enjoy this time as a family (he's still up with his dad in Richmond).
P.S. While at choir, I think I had my second craving (the first being Nutella). I suddenly wanted pecan pie. But it wasn't urgent so I'm not sure.
9/9
I'm so tired! That's the one thing that's stayed consistent since finding out I was pregnant. I've been exhausted. But I've been really good and have made sure I got enough sleep every night this week. Even last night I had the urge to stay up late like I normally do at the end of the week...and then I realized...it's 9:45 and I could seriously fall asleep right now. So I did.
I'm going to an art open house tonight of one of my art instructors. It's weird being pregnant and still fitting my clothes perfectly. I know that'll change very soon but I think I had this idea that there'd be a HUGE difference within the first few weeks. It's nice to still be able to dress up cute and know that NO one has any idea I'm pregnant. :)
9/10
The bellybutton ring came out today. I figured taking it out early would be the best choice. I also discovered I no longer like coffee today. :( Which is probably for the best but I still love how it smells. It just tastes really bad to me now. I've been avoiding it to be extra safe but decided to have a little this morning and it just did NOT do it for me. So...goodbye coffee. Hopefully we'll see each other again in a few months.
I've been feeling absolutely unmotivated to go to the gym...which is exactly what I was afraid of. BUT...I started reading this book Super Fit Mama and am feeling SO much more motivated. So off to the gym I go today!
I had my first bout of morning sickness this morning too (I think). Thankfully nothing major...just felt bleh and dizzy.
9/14
One thing I didn't really expect in pregnancy and no one really mentioned: your taste buds seriously change. EVERYTHING tastes different...hence why coffee is not my cup of tea anymore. Even my literal cup of tea yesterday tasted weird. Cereal tastes different. Orange juice tastes different. I had a major craving for she crab soup (mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!) and when I got some and ate it (it was heavenly) and then took a sip of water, something about the water and the soup gave me an after taste of poop (not so mmmm). Literally...my mouth tasted exactly how poop smells. It was SICK. I brushed my teeth as quickly as possible. Thankfully, I only drank water when I was FINISHED eating and not in the middle. Sick, sick, sick.
So yes. Lots of weird, weird changes. My dreams have started getting (even more) crazy too.
John comes home today after being in Richmond a month. I am SO ready to have him home. I hate separation. Especially when it's within the same country and ISN'T due to the military.
Today: 9/30
I had my first few bouts of hormonal CRAZY the past two weeks. I am just a lot more irritable with certain people and certain behaviors at school. Thankfully, they passed quickly but one of the days I was literally ready to chew someone out and start a fist fight.
The past two nights I had dreams about miscarriages. When I first told John, he started to scold me for worrying. But I honestly haven't been worrying or thinking about miscarriages. Your brain just does crazy, crazy things within dreamland. But thankfully I forgot them. Last night after dreaming about miscarriages, I dreamed I had a boy and labor wasn't that terrible. Afterward, a few days later, I went to Walmart with my mom. My baby was closer to the size of a toddler...and then I lost my debit card and couldn't buy my groceries. And then there was something about keeping old bananas for banana bread. Ran-dom.
The most recent food/drink aversion: apple cider. I took one sip and it tasted like apple juice mixed with mustard. Nummy.
Coffee is back on the menu!! I have been mixing decaf and caffeinated and somehow...it tastes better. How does this work? I have no idea...since they essentially taste exactly the same. But somehow I like coffee again. But I'm limiting it.
Tonight John is taking me out for sushi. ALL cooked sushi so don't panic and I'm going to go over my list of fish to avoid due to high mercury levels just to be safe. But I'm SO excited. I want sushi so bad. Even if it's just a california roll, I will be STOKED. I don't really think this is a craving because honestly...I ALWAYS desire sushi this much. I just adore sushi. It would be hilariously ironic if we got there and I couldn't stomach it. Hmmm...

Pregs

2011-09-27T06:09:00.000-07:00

Surprise!! And you just thought I was being quiet. I have literally had to avoid this blog to keep from spilling the beans. But we decided now is the time. So...let's back track a little bit because you better believe I've been documenting things even if I couldn't post them just yet:

9/5
And here you are.
I'm speechless. Almost. So I will write.
August 29th was the day I'd take the test. And it would be negative. And I would be sad. It was days after Hurricane Irene and our power was still out. John went on base to get a few things done before driving back up to Virginia. He came back with a card and an ornament to cheer me up. And the Husband-of-the-Year goes to...yeah. He's amazing and thoughtful. The next weekend we headed to my first Virginia Tech football game. I took another test the morning of the game. Negative. I was disappointed but tried not to be devastated. I waited for my period to start that whole day. And...nothing. Odd. The next day I continued to wait...andddd...nothing again. This was particularly strange since I had figured out my schedule and I knew it was precise; it doesn't change much. So this morning, September 5th, I decided to take another test. As I've done so many times before, I turned my back on the pregnancy test while I waited, as if not watching it change color might effect the end results...and just like so many times before, I peeked before the 3 minutes were up. But this time there was something different.

Hmm...it's never done that before! It was faint but it was definitely there. And I've never had any sort of hint of a second line before. So I took another test. Finally, I got a digital test and this is what it said.

I called John and he giggled over the phone. Looks like we are going to be parents...soon.
So here I am.
Part of me is terrified. But most of me is ecstatic. I am suddenly STARVING and feel EXHAUSTED. I use the caps because they are EXTREME feelings. Part of me feels like I'm just imagining it. But...I don't think that's my imagination.
It's strange. Just when we thought God was saying "No" and didn't want to challenge that by continuing to try, we find out we were already pregnant. It always amazes me how God can surprise me even when I think I've ruined my own party by getting ahead of myself.
After taking test number 2, I read the bible and prayed (literally fell on my face in front of the Lord) in tears. Then I took a shower, listened to Pandora, and cried some more. All happy tears of course.
I still have fears. Fears of everything changing, of struggling in school, of going through deployments again...but I know God has a much bigger plan than I do. And through all of this (all 8 hours of knowing I'm pregnant), my knee-jerk reaction shows me how much I want this. So for now...I'll relax and get a snack. Or five.
P.S. One more thing...a few days ago John said, "It would be nice if we found out you were pregnant...nice something positive happened right now when so many bad things are going on." And now that it has happened...all the "bad" seems so unimportant and unpressing.
P.P.S. First grocery store run since finding I'm preggo:
Fruits
Veggies
Milk
Bread
Creamer
NUTELLA---definitely when my pregnant STARVING mode started.
---
So what now? Well I had my first real doctor's appointment yesterday. I had a blood test (which considering my history went AMAZINGLY well...the nurse who did it was EXCELLENT) and then they asked me 20 (000) questions and then I had 2 seconds to ask all my questions. Everyone was very nice, I got a bag of pregnancy literature and that was that. Nothing too exciting but enough to confirm that yes, this is really happening. My due date is May 14th. Did I just say that? John and I are both tickled pink.
Much more to come...:)

Zoom

2011-09-14T09:23:00.000-07:00

I've been having sudden urges lately. I'll explain in more detail later but here are a few examples: the other day I thought of she crab soup and couldn't stop thinking about it until it was in my hands. Then now I have this URGE to go to the beach. I haven't been to the beach since Mexico and I promised myself we'd go to the beach at least once this summer here in NC...which we didn't...because the summer was absolutely crazy and the beginning of the fall hasn't been much better. So I think a visit to the beach, even if it's just to sink our toes in the sand and look for shark's teeth, is in order.
I've been stalking a friend's Flickr account the past two days. She posted some picture that got me there and then I just couldn't stop perusing through her life, which mostly resembles my own memories of Washington and adventures I wish I could accompany her on. I miss Washington. I really do. I don't really miss being cold. Maybe a little chilly. But I do miss crisp mornings, crisp drives to work with sunrises and breathtaking views and hot drinks and art and creativity and culture...I miss that. As a result, I've been exploring some of my own photography...rediscovering old moments I'd forgotten or never got a chance to reexamine. This photo is one of those. It's from the airshow last year (I think) and I hadn't looked at it since then I don't think. It reminds me of my friend because she has an affinity for flying. It also reminds me of the summer. But when I think of summer I don't think of NC summers. I think of the warmest days of WA summers. No mugginess. No humidity. Just pleasantness all around. Of course the freezingness other parts of the year makes to be a bit depressing. But they all have their place.
Well...I should prep for class. Peace out.
P.S. John is coming home today after being away for about a month. I am SO EXCITED.

Photo: Meself

911

2011-09-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago Sunday the terrorist attack on the world trade center in New York happened. I was 15ish and living in China and read about it online late at night. A friend of mine messaged me that "oh my god, terrorists bombed the world trade center." My first reaction was confusion because I thought someone had bombed the trade center in my city and wondered why on earth someone would have any interest in bombing it. Then I read further and realized it was in New York. I still have newspaper clippings from the Chinese newspaper about it. It was truly one of the most unreal times of my life and I knew it was something I needed to remember, especially having the perspective of an outsider; I wasn't in America when it happened like so many were and I felt like my view point was definitely unique. It was humbling seeing and hearing how sympathetic the Chinese were of the events. Unlike Americans who call the event 9/11, they call it 911 since that number has no significance in China.
What made the event even more unreal was my brother Caleb was in the air on 9/11 flying from Hongkong to the U.S. His plane was redirected to Honolulu without informing the passengers. Near the end of the flight (obviously when the crew got the call), the map normally visible on the tv screens showing how far the plane had to go before it reached their destination was turned off. No one really noticed until they arrived. They weren't told what had happened until they had safely landed. In the meantime, we and our state-side relatives had no idea where Caleb was which was pretty scary. But we soon got a call from him. A lot of planes were redirected that day for fear of more terrorist hijackings. Caleb was in Honolulu for 2 or 3 days and then caught a plane back to the mainland.
Shortly after that whole event the SARS scare happened which I was also in China for which is a whole different story. I might blog about it someday.
A lot has changed in 10 years. And it's hard to believe it has been that long. There are things I agree with and things I don't about these wars. But this post is solely dedicated to those lost on that tragic day and those lost since then fighting to pay the price. You are still remembered.

Hokie Hokie Hokie Hi...oh forget it...

2011-09-05T11:38:00.000-07:00

I'm home. Got back late last night after being in the car a good 8 hours (with a break in the middle and dinner with my favorite person followed by bubble tea), spent half an hour setting up a friggin tent in my garage, unpacking the car, and airing things out from camping...and then I collapsed in my bed. I woke up with THE WORLD'S (almost) WORST back ache. That's what camping and lots-o-driving will do to you. Man, I feel old!!
The verdict? I had a BLAST at Virginia Tech and my first Hokie game. BLAST. It was SO much fun. And no...NO sarcasm there. I really had a wonderful time.
We arrived in Blacksburg and headed to the camp grounds after buying THE LARGEST (there's going to be a lot of caps and exaggerating in this blog post...just fyi) marshmallows I've ever seen in my life...and stuff for smores. As soon as we got our spot and started pulling out the tent, it started to rain. So we rushed back into the car with the tent and waited it out. Thankfully, it didn't last long.
That night we had hot dogs and smores and just enjoyed being together and the great out doors. heh. The next morning we woke up bright and early and got ready (the showers at the camp grounds were crawling with spiders...okay...there were two...but they were BIG...thankfully, we had an understanding and they stayed put while I showered and stayed away from my stuff) and headed out to Gillie's for breakfast. I was seriously expecting parking to be a beast to find and Gillie's to be packed to the..er...gills. But it actually was really calm out. What can I say...college students like to sleep in. Gillies was wonderful...and yes...I had my crack juice. And it was heaven. I could feel my body silently thanking me for drinking such purely natural nom-ness. Anyway...after breakfast, we walked around campus and John took me through several buildings (including a GINORMOUS classroom that smelled like urine...niiiice) before leading me to Lane Stadium, home of the Virginia Tech Hokies. The Stadium IS impressive.

Whilst gawking at its massiveness, I had a spaz-attack when I eyeballed some cotton candy (something I've been wanting for WEEKS...no...MONTHS) and then TURKEY LEGS. Hokie games are notorious for having turkey legs...because a hokie is essentially a turkey. WHY we're eating the mascot, I don't know. But I won't complain. After getting inside and finding our seats and grinning from ear-to-eat, we went down stairs to get some food, got separated from each other, I returned to our seats, got a text, came back and then actually GOT the food. John then had to get more cash at an ATM and we spotted a guy dressed as a Hokie Storm Trooper. Yes. A Storm Trooper from Star Wars...but with Hokie colors. It was epic. I headed back to our seats with our grub and waited for John as the stands filled up. The Corps of Cadets came out on the field and the national anthem was played, finished with a firing canon. John was in the Corps of Cadets when he was at Virginia Tech and he also was the one who fired the canon so I was pretty excited to see that.

Finally, RIGHT when John got to our seats, the entrance song started. John had told me a lot about the entrance song for the Virginia Tech football team. I had even watched videos of it. Unfortunately, the music cut out part way through and the team had to run out to the shrill cheering of their adoring school and fans...which is almost as good. Lane Stadium was ranked one of the top ten most intimidating school stadiums to play at. And I can see why. Hokies don't mess around. They are PROUD to be Hokies, PROUD of their football team, and they practically BLIND their opponents with orange and maroon before shouting them off the stands and out of the field.

So anyway...the hokies came out, began playing and scored within the first 5 minutes. John said they normally shoot off the canon every time they score but they hadn't had time to set up the canon on the practice field. Sure enough, the next time they scored the canon went off. I don't know what it is about that canon but...I LIKE IT.

Every time the hokies scored, John explained that the new cadets had to do push ups. I asked, slightly confused, "So they do push ups every time WE score?"
John: "Yeah!"
Me: "....aren't push ups more of a punishment?"
John: "...No?"
Haha...I found that funny.
We enjoyed our turkey leg, cotton candy, and a pretzel during the game and the hokies won 66-13 but we didn't stay til the very end.

My thoughts? I really, really enjoyed the game. It was fun laughing at John being OUT OF CONTROL excited and him knowing all the words to all the cheers and songs while I sat there clueless but happy.

We had sushi for dinner and then coffee and then ran into Barnes and Noble so I could do some homework but mostly to get out of a sudden downpour. We made a bonfire that night, made more smores and just enjoyed each others' company.
Sunday we went to John's church that he used to attend while he was at Virginia Tech and it was a really great service (although the room the service was in was a good 10 degrees below what it was in the lobby...we walked in and John looked over at me and my eyes BULGED and we headed back to the car to get my sweatshirt).
After catching a quick bite to eat for lunch at a Greek place (LOVE Greek food), we hit the road. We had to drive back to Richmond and then I had to drive back to NC on my own. We decided to get dinner before I left and bubble tea. It was a nice way to end our time together and as sad as I was to leave John, I knew it would be better to have a day of catch up at home than spending my catch up day driving.

Photos: Meself

Camping Hokie

2011-08-30T13:58:00.000-07:00

A lot is going on. I have moments where I just have to sit down and do nothing because the stress is heavy upon me. But...I'll make it through it.

After this whole Hurricane Irene experience, I was skeptical about this coming weekend. You see...we are going to Blacksburg Virginia for my very first Virginia Tech football game. And we were going to go camping. John is so excited he could poop himself (his words, not mine...but very similar to what I'd probably say...heh). But after practically camping in our house the past few days, I wasn't sure I was really in the mood to camp. After some thinking, we decided why not...let's stick with the plan. So this weekend we are camping. It'll be next to a lake. And it'll be nice. And I am going to my very first Hokie game. I'm expecting it to be very...orange. And maroon. I'm also expecting John to be absolutely out of control. But that's okay. As long as he buys me a turkey leg to gnaw on, I'll be good. The South done corrupted me!! Wow.

John is also taking me back to Gillies (as mentioned here) where I will get to drink my favorite fruit drink EVER. It is seriously crack and I don't even know why. All it is is fruit. And beets. And I'm not sure if a beet is a vegetable or a fruit. So we'll just go with it. Either way...the drink is spectacular. And I'm going to order TWO.

Anyway...the neighborhood is having a yard sale. Weeee!!! I've never done my own yard sale from my OWN house. And I just so happen to have a bunch of CRAP to get rid of. I was going to donate it but why not see if some unknowing soul wants to pay money for it? Yes...yes....goood. I'm strangely excited about this. Don't ask why. I don't really know.

Photo: Unknown found via HokieSports

Post-Irene

2011-08-30T05:36:00.000-07:00

Annnndd we're back! We got power back yesterday afternoon and I am so, so so, very, so thankful. It's amazing how helpless we all become without power and even more amazing how quickly the city gets it back up and running (even if you had a long wait...think about it...it's still amazing how quickly they work!).

Irene began her slow decent on Friday afternoon. We ran out for a few things including more ice (I figured out why so much ice is required for a storm...read on) and hit sit-still traffic on the highway. Thank goodness we hadn't decided to leave because we wouldn't have been able to even if we wanted! We swung back around, checked a place for ice (no go) and just headed home...after grabbing a movie. The rain began around 2pm in bursts and the sky slowly grew dark. By 10pm it was coming down in sheets and the winds were picking up, making the power flicker. We went to bed around 1am after a ruthless match of Scrabble; we both woke back up around 4am. The power had gone out and the rain (and whatever else was caught in the wind) was POUNDING against the side of the house and windows. It was hard to get back to sleep after that. A few times I almost got up to tape the windows in case they broke. The rain was that loud and sounded like someone trying to throw their body against the glass. We woke up and the rain was still at it but much decreased. From what we could see, there was no damage to the house but there were several downed trees throughout the neighborhood, thankfully none on any houses. One fell mere feet from our house but was caught by another tree. The road leading to our lane was flooded like a river but our road stayed dry down the middle.

I honestly don't remember what we did for breakfast that morning. But I think we had cereal. John had taken the things we'd most likely need to eat (milk, bread, etc.) and put them in the cooler so we didn't have to open the fridge. The temperature was cool as long as the storm was upon us. But as it got warmer, it dawned on me...we need ice to keep things fresh! And I didn't figure this out until now because? Answer: I've never been in a power-outage in a warm climate. True story. Every power out I ever remember enduring was in a cold climate or mid-winter. So keeping things fresh in the fridge wasn't a huge deal. At all. This, here in North Carolina, is a WHOLE different animal. For dinner, John set up his camping stove on the front porch and heated up spaghetti-o's and water for tea. We even watched a movie on his laptop (it had just enough battery for it) before going to bed.

The morning was bright and cheery and aside from the debris and chaos of fallen trees around the neighborhood, you would have never guessed we had had a storm. BEAUTIFUL day. We spent it cleaning up the yard (I went into a pine-cone collecting frenzy...why? I couldn't tell you...), making coffee and frying eggs for breakfast (John made camp stove percolator coffee and it turned out to be the best cup o' joe I've had in MONTHS...literally MONTHS...okay...ASIDE from the amazing hospital coffee they had in Richmond...that place is just awesome...), and being friendly neighbors. I may have mentioned it before but I generally think of us as the worst (almost) neighbors ever. We're not REALLY the worst. If we were the worst EVER, we'd be mean. Mean we are not. Awkward we are. But storms, near-death experiences, and sharing resources brings people together and we found ourselves invited to plug our fridge into our neighbor's generator which we thought very kind and generous of them. In return, John made them coffee which they were delighted in having. Matt, our neighbor, stopped by when he was ready to plug our fridge in. We talked, John told him of his brewing coffee and he accepted the invitation to share and he returned to his house. Seconds later, I looked down and realized my shorts were on inside out. AWESOME. Wardrobe malfunctions: one of the many "perks" of power outages.

It was a HOT day. Thankfully, it cooled off in the evening and we were invited over to our neighbor's house to hangout for awhile. For one fateful minute, their power came back on and we all rejoiced but sadly it turned off again, never to return that day. The next day we woke HOPING to find our power back on but no such luck. We headed to base to get new tires for my little car (YIPPEE!! No more driving in TERROR!) which ended up taking ALL FRIGGIN DAY. While charging my phone in John's car during the wait, I saw a friend post on facebook that she finally had power! She lived 2 streets down from us in the same neighborhood!! So we HOPED that the power would be on when we got home. Which it was! It was so great to clean up and let the house cool down again. John got all prepped to head back up to Richmond (still dealing with his dad's affairs and he is still in the hospital but might be out today or tomorrow) that night and I did my best to make the house more NORMAL. He left and I couldn't help being a little sad. Being apart is always hard but being apart for short periods when you've gone through the long periods apart is just annoying. It makes me want to shout, "Hasn't he been gone enough??" But this is a family matter and I can't be angry. I'd do the same for my parents any time. Besides, he has to be close since his sister has to fly back to Maine today.

This morning I woke up in horror. THE POWER WAS OFF AGAIN. I can't tell you how annoyed I was. Okay. I've been more annoyed but I was SO dismayed!! I quickly ran around the house opening windows because it was going to get hot. I then flopped back into bed and did my best to fall back asleep in my disappointment. THANKFULLY...a few hours later the power was back on. I've had one more scare of it going off for about 20 seconds this afternoon but so far it looks like we are in the clear. Hope hope hope.

Let me just say this: I am so thankful. Thankful we are safe, there was no damage, and what I've seen of our neighborhood or heard from friends, there was no damage to any homes of anyone we know. That doesn't mean everyone got by. There are lots of people who were not so fortunate and my prayers go out to them. Those and the others who are still without power. It SUCKS not having power in this heat. If you are without power and in the area, please let me know. I have a guestroom and an upstairs that can turn into another guestroom and I'd love to have you.

All in all? We survived Irene...and it wasn't a horrible experience. It was nice being taken care of by Mr. Prepared. And it was nice playing board games together and getting to know our neighbors a little bit better. Hopefully there is more to come.

School was cancelled yesterday and today. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Photo: Micah Garen found via Brownstoner

Long Haul

2011-08-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

Well folks...we're in it for the long haul! After a never-ending debate between staying home for the hurricane or skipping town and neither of us really having a solid opinion either way, we decided to stay. Part of me feels like it would be good to stay in case people need help. We are super prepared. Part of me also doesn't feel like driving 5+ hours to Charlotte. For the simple fact that I am stressed beyond belief and have been traveling non-stop this entire summer. After having a small panic attack last night over not having my textbooks to do my homework or study for a quiz on Monday (I ordered them over a month and a half ago and had not one but TWO bad sellers on half.com...first time this has happened in the 7 years I've used them for books so...I reordered my books but they have yet to arrive), over the incoming storm and not knowing what to do or where to go (scratch that...I know what to do...I just couldn't decide where to go!), and over John's dad's whole doozie of a situation (still in the hospital, out of the ICU, but still lots of questions to be answered and doubts looming), I went into panic cleaning mode (I essentially just start wildly cleaning the house, usually the kitchen, with a panicked/enraged expression, while semi-hyperventilating...) until John made me hot chocolate and calmed me down. We prayed that we'd know what to do in the morning and then John woke me up around 6 to let me know he was going to Walmart to get some supplies...blinkblink...I guess that means we're staying! And I'm relieved. I know this is a hurricane. I know it's a big deal. But we're very much prepared and even if we wanted to leave now, we wouldn't be able to because the highway is backed up pretty bad.

But did I mention we're prepared? Like...zombie apocalypse prepared. All of our tubs are full of water. We also have giant coolers (I knew we owned 4 for a good reason!) full of ice...which I'm still trying to figure out the purpose of (I know having some in the fridge will help with power outages...it just seems very fleeting to me...but maybe that's just me)...but that aside, we have two giant additional jugs of water. We have food. We have camping supplies. We have TWO camping stoves and fuel. We have canned food and non-canned food. We have ways to cover the windows if needed and everything outside is in the garage. John is always Mr. Prepared but in this case it is definitely reassuring knowing that he IS Mr. Prepared and knows what to do to keep safe and be prepared for anything. We have like...3 or 4 first aid kits, a crank radio, several fire arms (you know...in case of the zombie attack), and several other neighbors who are sticking around for the storm as well. So...we can always pool our resources if it's really bad. I invited a friend across the highway to head over here if she needs to because she lives in a trailer and that's not going to be the best place to be.

I've been through more power-outages and water-outages than most Americans could dream of. I have bathing out of a bucket down to a science. Am I bragging? Yes. A little. But I'm mainly just saying...don't worry. I'm prepared. And if you live in the area and need a place to go, my house is open. Still...prayers for protection are appreciated. The rain has begun. We'll see you on the flipside.

P.S. We do have beer.

Photo: Unknown found via 360 Visibility

Irene

2011-08-24T07:27:00.000-07:00

This week is determined to be the end of my sanity. Here is why:

1. John drove me back to NC on Saturday. He and Emily (she flew down from Maine and then rode with us down to NC) stayed the night and then drove back up to VA on Sunday to stay with their dad and work out his affairs (he's still in the hospital but is out of the ICU).

2. School started. And I remembered why I was nervous about school starting. I have 5 classes, 4 of which are nearly 3 hours a piece and they are studio art classes which, true, means no tests but it also means HUGE projects that take lots of outside class time. So...in the words of one of my instructors, I might need to get a cot installed in the art building since I will essentially be living there.

3. My books for school, which were ordered over a month and a half ago, never arrived. I contacted the seller and never heard back so I had to file a claim. In the meantime, I ordered replacements for twice as much money plus quick shipping. But they still aren't here. I was told there'd be books in the library I could read in the meantime but I called today and no such luck. So....I will be unprepared for class today. Hoping since it's only our second class it won't be too much of a big deal.

4. I can't access my scholarship. That's right. The school will not let me access my scholarship because it came in late and I paid for my classes out of pocket to prevent them from being dropped due to not being paid for in time. So my scholarship is just sitting there. I have to get the people who provided me with the scholarship to put in writing that I CAN access the money to reimburse me for paying my own tuition and also so I can buy supplies. Hoping they will do that for me. I also had to explain to the financial office people why I couldn't use my account in the school bookstore for supplies. "Um...because the bookstore (aside from being highway robbery in the price department) does not carry ONE SINGLE art supply item?" "....so...they won't let you use your scholarship there?" *smacks forehead* "No, I am sure I am perfectly allowed to use my scholarship there but if they aren't carrying ANY of the supplies I need, why would I spend any of my money there?" I had to explain this to each financial aid office member...twice.

5. John is still in Virginia. And a hurricane is coming. In fact, New Bern is smack dab in the MIDDLE of Hurricane Irene's path, due to hit on Saturday. So he wants to drive down today or tomorrow, pack up anything important and then have us each drive our cars back UP to Virginia. Then I somehow am supposed to drive back down for school on Monday. Are you kidding me?

6a. And on top of all of this, I have a supply list for school the size of Guatemala. I have some of the stuff. And other stuff I don't...and I keep wondering if 5 classes is the best idea. But then I remember they're all AWESOMELY FUN classes. Like Painting, Sculpture, Design, and Computer Art. And American Literature but that one doesn't start until September.

6b. And this is more minor but it still is a stress: it seems like ANY time my church has some event that promotes community and meeting people and getting plugged into the church, we're either gone, there's a family emergency, or there's a hurricane. There is LITERALLY always something. For example, our church is finally having another group link to get plugged into a life group and meet people. When is it? A Wednesday. What happens every Wednesday? My Painting class which happens to be a night class. Sooooooooo...yeah. Fail on my part.

Am I excited about school? Yes. I just feel kinda on the brink of insanity and the semester has barely begun. Praying for peace that surpasses ALL understanding and grace. And wisdom to know what to do about this storm.

She moves her body like a cyclone...

Photo: Jeff Schmaltz found via NASA Earth Observatory

Writer's Prison

2011-08-19T13:08:00.001-07:00

The surgery, as far as anyone can tell, worked. John Sr. gave everyone a few scares when he tried to fight his way out of bed shortly after getting out of surgery. But he's since calmed down and is just very, very tired. Back to the eternal puzzle of which blood pressure Meds will work best and what combinaion works. This is day 7 in the hospital.
John's sister is headed down tomorrow and then we are headed to NC to drop me off so I can start school on Monday. I told John I could email my instructors and let them know I have a family emergency but he said my school year shouldn't suffer because someone decided not to take their blood pressure Meds. So back home we go and then John will return to VA.
A lot of unanswered questions have continued to arise out of this whole experience; things that dumbfound and exasperate John and Emily. And me. Thankfully, there is someone who knows the truth who is helping us understand what's been going on for far too long. There's a separation act that occurs in newly weds sometimes. When things happen for one side of the family, the spouse not connected by blood feels apart from them. But this lifestyle has really brought me closer to John's family especially with mine far away. This family is my family and I feel myself as wrung out emotionally as if this were my own father by blood. But the confusion for all of us, blood related and not, continues. One thing I have learned: I refuse to ever conceal my situation, health or otherwise, from my family to protect their "peace of mind." Because this resulting experience is nothing less of a few more gray hairs for my head's premature collection.
A good side to all of this? Because there's always a positive, even if it's something little: I'm writing up a storm over here. I've written over 10 front and back pages for my book...and I'm steadily filling holes and fitting pieces together. Would I rather be here on vacation and none of this ever happened? Of course. But this hospital has become my writer's prison and I'm thankful I was able to do someting productive as opposed to, oh I don't know...worrying?! Yeah. The biggest writing accomplishment so far? I have a book title. From day one, I've always called the book "November." No, I don't really know why. I think I originally had some ideas as to why but they've since changed. So...I found my REAL title. Will I reveal it? Heck, not yet. But hopefully soon. Now if only you knew what "soon" meant.
Sidenote: blotting from phone means crazy word replacement (for example: that "blotting" was supposed to be "blogging"...thanks droid) and lack to zero correct punctuation (again...thanks droid...you're a genius...but you're oh so dumb at the same time...at least I don't have to worry about your artificial intelligence taking over the world).

Amazing Grace

2011-08-18T11:54:00.001-07:00

It's amazing how good the Lord is. There are moments when hope feels almost out of reach and discouragement is your constant companion. But then Jesus steps in and reminds you that all is well, he is in control, and, despite what you might sometimes think, he does know better than you.
John's dad just went into scopic heart surgery. No, this was not part of the original plan. But it's the plan for today. Before he went, we shared stories of snow from our childhoods; sledding, shoveling, and other memories. I told some stories from one furlough when we stayed on a farm for awhile. Despite being pretty out of it, I spied a few smiles on his face as he listened. He's responsive but still in and out of it. When the anesthesia techs arrived to get him prepped for surgery, John realized he knew one of them from highschool and wrestling! Small, small world but a big comfort, even from something as simple as seeing a familiar face.
Blessings are all around us, the love notes from a loving God. It's just sometimes hard to see them when they're not what we're expecting. One big blessing has been my hip. The first few days we were here I was in some pain...probably from the road trip sitting. The pain continued to grow the longer we were here. It dawned on me today that I'm in absolutely zero pain. In fact, I can't remember when I hurt last. Lastly, we've been enjoying the coffee stand in the hospital lobby. Today, the barista suggested I get a punch card since I had so much coffee that week. She then proceeded to give me my punch card...complete with all the punches I would have earned if I had started it at the start of the week. Again, little things...but blessings just the same.
Now we wait. The surgery should last four hours. The purpose is to patch the lining of the aorta. If that doesnt work, we'd be looking at open heart surgery. Which is a whole different animal. The doctors are confident this will solve the issue. So we are praying for good news in a few hours. In the meantime, my sister-in-law Emily might be flying down today or tomorrow.
I won't lie; it has been a rough week. But God has been with us all the time and I know he not only is in control but he also knows what is best. Now to wait.

Note To Self

2011-08-17T08:48:00.001-07:00

We're in Richmond. We got a call Saturday morning that John's dad was in the hospital. We drove up then and have been here ever since visiting John Sr. in the hospital. Its been slow and has consisted of a lot of reading (I finished Frankenstein) because John's dad is pretty out of it most of the time.
It started off wit him having extreme back pain. So much so that he thought it was a heart attack. Thankfully, it wasn't. But it WAS the lining of his heart beginning to separate due to CRAZY high blood pressure. We're just thankful he had the sense to get taken to the hospital and didn't try to "man it out." The first day he was pretty responsive and normal. But with morphine, he got very lethargic. Thankfully, they took him off morphine yesterday and he is a whole new person. Still in and out of it but so much better than before.
He has tried to do things himself. He has fallen. And the longer I'm here, the more I wonder if he'd ever really ask or help. He's a very independent, stubborn man and my own dad said it best: "Sometimes dads are bad patients." Hopefully we'll all learn something out of this. Let this be a lesson to self: accept old age when it comes and don't try to fight people to show you're alright when you're clearly not alright.
John Sr. is in good hands and is being showered with prayers and love. And phone calls. I'm very thankful we live close enough to drive up to visit him, especially with John's sister living so far away.
So what now? Well...the doctors and nurses are trying to get him off his cocktail of IVs so he can get out of the ICU. All this while balancing out the right oral medication combo to keep his blood pressure down. His heart is okay. No surgery is needed but rest and taking it easy (two things that DO NOT come easily to him) are required for his heart to heal. So...please pray for humility and patience and grace, that he'd see the love and concern in his kids' eyes and follow the doctor's advice. We want to keep him around for grandkids someday. So he's just going to have to take it easy. And let that be a lesson to you.

Tales of Good Pain

2011-08-10T08:03:00.000-07:00

My back/hip issue is improving. I went back to the chiropractor yesterday and he aligned my back and did more digging in my problem area with his fingers while bending my spine this way and that way. Let's just say...it REALLY hurt this time. Last time it was painful but this was a whole new animal. To put it in short, I have yet to have a tattoo that hurt that bad. On the bright side, it was all surface pain; the muscles and back itself were not the things hurting while he was working. It was just the pain of him digging his fingers into my back. I ache some today but as far as hip/back pain, I've had NOTHING. Last week I only had three days of pain and none of it was the searing "I'M ON FIRE" pain I've grown accustomed to. So that right there is a huge, huge plus. I'm learning to appreciate pain when it is good pain and promises aid or positive results. Piyo absolutely destroyed me today and it hurt like hell. But it was great. I knew that I could do it, I pushed myself and in the end it'll make me that much stronger.

I'm REALLY bummed. I missed yoga today. I was planning on going and just completely forgot because it's directly after Piyo. And I can't go Friday either because I have plans. So I'm bummed. But...there's always next week.

And this picture? This picture above just cracks me up. Not only is it just a ridiculous photo (yeah choose the busty bleach blonde for your ad...no one will judge you for it), but as a thumbnail, it looks like he's poking her boob. Gosh, the Marine Corps has corrupted me.

Photo: Unknown found via Chiropractic Blogs

Baby Joys

2011-08-10T04:39:00.000-07:00

I have to take a moment today to celebrate and welcome Zoey Grace.

One of my best friends growing up was a girl named Erika. We dressed alike, looked alike, and over time of being together, acted alike. We lived in our own little world in elementary school and it was glorious. We've both since grown up, gotten married, and have stayed in touch over the years over the internet because the miles are many between us. I was fortunate enough to be able to attend her wedding several years ago.

Today (or I believe it was actually last night), Erika gave birth to her very first bundle of joy, Zoey Grace. Though I haven't actually SEEN Zoey yet, I know she will be all that is lovely and sweet because that is what Erika is. I've watched Erika's pregnancy through her wonderful blog Little Red Hearts and through photos on facebook and have waited in excited anticipation for this day. So...welcome little one. I know that your arrival has been the center of your mom and dad's world for the past few months. And they are so glad you are here to stay.

Photo: Jileane Stokland found via Little Red Hearts

Yoga Meister

2011-08-09T09:21:00.000-07:00

Apparently...I'm good at yoga. It's always strange and nice when you try something and find you are already good at it. I finally decided to take my first yoga class. What made me make this decision, you might ask? I was bored. OUT OF MY MIND. And I love that I'll turn to the gym in my boredom madness. Shows that my habits really have changed and I really DO enjoy fitness. Since my whole hip/back issue, I haven't been able to do the normal working out I like; the high impact classes, running, rolling over in bed in the middle of the night, you know...the good things in life. So I've been trying to do more of the classes I didn't have time for before: Piyo and yoga. I love Piyo (mix of pilates and yoga) but Yoga was just something I never thought of trying. I think some of the spiritual stigma and stuff I had heard about some yoga (not all) classes turned me off from wanting to check it out. But I finally decided to do it last week. The class was relaxing and challenging. I liked that there were options in whether you wanted to challenge yourself in different areas as far as flexibility and strength. I had worried before the class that I wouldn't be able to keep from thinking constantly. But I found myself naturally relaxing in the class and concentrating on what I was trying to do with my body instead. At the end of the class, I thanked the teacher and introduced myself. I told her this was my first yoga class. She said, "But obviously you've had previous yoga experience." I corrected her and said that, no, this was actually my first yoga class ever. She looked shocked and said, "Well you didn't excellent. I'm surprised. I would have never guessed this was your first time!" Needless to say, I was EXTREMELY flattered and encouraged to go again. Yoga and Piyo have also been great for strengthening my back (something that'll help with my healing process) which I want to continue. I also love pushing myself further in terms of flexibility and balance and core strength. And those are ALL words I never thought I'd see in my blog if you asked me a year ago...unless I was talking about John. Who happened to take a Piyo class with me on Saturday, who did really well, and who enjoyed it. Yay for fun at the gym. And now I need to go shower.

Side note: Baby Robots are IN the Etsy shop and they've been reduced to $10 plus shipping (unless you live locally, I can just hand them off to you)! Get to it here!

Photo: Unknown found via Health Yoga

Return of Robots

2011-08-08T06:29:00.001-07:00

I've had it! I've had my break. Now I'm back at making robots. You may have forgotten I ever made them since it's been so long. Or you may have begun reading after I had stopped making them and still don't know of their existence. Whatever the case...they're back. Am I going to use my Pretty Much LiQi Designs blog again? No. That is a firm NO. I have too many things to juggle. Another blog is not going to be one of them. So expect any and all news on Baby Robots to occur here.

I'm in the process of making more Baby Robots. I gave a lot of them away as Christmas presents this past Christmas in Washington (and they were a big hit...hint hint...you should buy some for gifts when I've made more!...hint hint). I was sure I had some left over but have yet to find any so it's back to the drawing board I go. This time around I've noticed a few things:

A. The creation process seems to be going a lot faster. Which is a HUGE, HUGE deal. Big plus!

B. I am finding myself edging outside the box and testing out some new designs. So expect some newness around here relating to Baby Robots soon.

C. I'm coming up with tricks to save time...and I'm in the process of figuring out what exactly is spent on supplies for each robot so I have a better idea of WHAT to charge.

So yeah...those are all good things. Yay for good things! So...if you haven't, go to my Etsy Shop on the right (click the cute robot picture!). I've also just started a business page for Pretty Much LiQi Designs on facebook! So you should go and like it.

So stay tuned for funness right around the corner! Yay!!

Jesse

2011-08-06T14:17:00.001-07:00

I have a handful (or two) of exceptionally talented friends. And I do mean exceptionally. I've lost regular touch with some of them along the way but we're the type where if either party needed somewhere to stay, you could bet your hiney that we'd have each others' backs in a wink.

One of my exceptionally talented friends just released his first CD. It arrived in the mail on Friday. I opened it, listened to it from beginning to end, paused to congratulate him on facebook, and then listened to it from beginning to end another two times (or more). This friend's name is Jesse Snyder and you should check out his website. Like now. The CD...how do I even begin? I keep stopping myself and thinking...maybe it's just because I know him. Is it just great because I know him? Sometimes your pride for friend's accomplishments overshadows your taste and you are unable to see the true quality of their product, their art. But after watching John's reaction to the CD, I know this is not the case. Jesse is just one of those exceptionally talented individuals. And his little CD is a gem.

I've known Jesse since...5th grade? Something in that vicinity. His sister, Jenna, is my best friend and for a period, Jesse and I were inseparable too; partners in crime, if you will...if that's possible in 8th grade. We didn't keep in as good touch after highschool as we should have but have always stayed close and pretty much pick up where we left off every time we see each other. He feels like a brother...and in a way, I think he is one.

Seeing Jesse make this accomplishment makes me so proud. And I can't lie, a little jealous. ;) But more proud than anything else. I'm so excited to see what's next for this kid, what God has planned, and where he's going to take him. With amazing humility and grace, I am pretty sure the sky is the limit. So...do yourself a favor. Drop what you're doing. Go to his website. Order the CD. And enjoy. This CD is a cross-section of Jesse; it's diverse in style, deep in emotion, and heartfelt. And it's way too professionally executed and beautifully mastered to be done by "my best friend's little brother." But it was. And I'm confident it's also just the beginning of lots of great musical things to come from this man.

Photo: Alex McKissack found via Jesse Snyder Music

The Seals Are Coming...

2011-08-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

I dreamed I was pregnant and giving birth and my nurse was my cousin Madeline (who happens to be studying to be a nurse so that's not too strange!...but just wait). She gave me a shot and I was in so much pain and delirious that I grabbed the syringe and stabbed her in the knee. My other cousin, Madeline's sister Meredith, was also pregnant in the dream and Madeline delivered the baby using a new form of c-section that took the baby out through the neck...and this all seemed perfectly normal and feasible in the dream. This all took place at an aquarium. And a bunch of seals and animals were on the loose. And a bunch of kids were visiting the aquarium. But it was after hours. So I was concerned that there was no one there to watch the kids with the seals on the rampage. And then Meredith was also going to be playing the virgin Mary in a Nativity play. This was all going to take place at the aquarium...in a tank. I asked her if she was playing the Queen Mother and then I was like, "Oh wait, that's not right...it would be the Queen Mary...right?" Meanwhile, I was trying to get to the tank they were "practicing" in for the play but it was very difficult to get to without snorkel or scuba gear. And what happened to our babies, you might ask? No idea. Ah my dreams...I should write a book of them. Nothing like strangeness to start your day!

Summer Days

2011-08-03T03:55:00.000-07:00

It's early. I've been trying to get up with John (which I usually do when I'm not in school) but he kept letting me sleep in this week. I finally woke up when he got up and got myself out of bed so we could have breakfast together. There's something peaceful about waking up before any signs of life are visible outside.

I've been in this rut lately. I don't want to clean. I think my reasoning hovers mainly over the "but I'm on summer break!" department. Which is true to a point. But that doesn't mean I can escape from chores. I also reason "do I always have to do ALL the cleaning?" but again John does work and I don't and I'm not in school right now. So technically, it all falls on me. Of course, it all falls on me anyway. Who are we kidding.

I've been trying to get stuff done before school starts. I'm determined to do some major deep cleaning before school starts (since it's what I've mainly been putting off) but I have made a lot of progress in the clutter and just general tidying up department. Which makes me happy. I hate clutter. And we have SO much of it.

I painted the guestroom. Did I mention that? It was a complete spur-of-the-moment thing and suddenly the room was bright green. And I LOVE it. I've also been finishing up projects...which has consisted primarily of framing things I've been meaning to frame for several decades. Some are for the guestroom. Some are just throughout the house. Now if I could just hang them...hmm...

The summer is nearing an end and school is looming. I'm trying not to let it daunt me. After all, I'm taking nothing but fun classes. It's just that those fun classes happen to take a lot of outside-of-class time and I'm taking 5 of them. So...it's going to be a very busy semester.

I finally went to the chiropractor. It was one of the more bizarre experiences of my life (wait...no...that's right...I've had much more bizarre things happen) but at the same time it didn't really bother me since I knew it was the one place that would take my back/hip/whatever pain seriously (unlike my regular doctor whom I love dearly but who was not cutting it just telling me to "do windmills"). The doctor found the issue right away (praise GOD!!) and I have two more appointments for next week. My lower back is sore from having fingers jabbed into it but it also feels looser. Which is a huge, huge improvement. It's amazing how just one visit showed results. I walked out of there feeling a full inch taller...which I'm sure was just confidence knowing that something was being DONE about my back, but still...

I sang in choir at church last Sunday for the first time. It made me miss being involved in leading worship and love that I was back in it all at the same time. I've felt SO welcomed into the choir and have enjoyed my very short time there so much. I look forward to a long involvement. This choir and worship pastor are powerful and God is really using them to do amazing things. I'm so humbled to be involved.

I went to counseling yesterday and cried about something in my past for the last time. It was a good cry...a relieving cry...a cry that was more of a last breath than anything else. It was the death of a memory and the bittersweet happiness in being able to let go of it; the thankfulness of release. It's been a long road. I've seen myself go from forgiving to hating back to forgiving in the span of it. And I look at myself and my life now and realize that no matter how much I'd like to change certain things, I'm thankful for where I am, where I've come from, and how much ground I've traveled. And I'm not talking about literal travel but emotional travel. I look at John and I know that I am the luckiest person alive, that he's much more than I deserve. And I'm so thankful for him.

Water Country!!

2011-08-01T06:44:00.000-07:00

I grew up going to water parks. Now, mind you some of these were really grimy Chinese water parks...but not all of the Chinese ones were grimy. I just remember one in particular that had a brown pool (no joke) that we all tended to avoid like the plague. Probably because it contained just that, the plague. Chinese water parks are a lot more lenient when it comes to nudity as well. I've said it and I'll say it again, Chinese have no shame and Chinese kids run around naked like it's nothing. So back to the point...I grew up going to water parks. And I found out recently that John had NEVER BEEN TO A WATER PARK...which should be illegal in my opinion. So we tried to remedy that as quickly as possible. Active duty military can get complimentary tickets to one of a series of amusement parks and one of them was Water Country USA up in Williamsburg, Virginia. So we made a weekend of it. We drove up on Friday and early Saturday morning headed to the park. I felt like a kid in a candy store. Since we were so early, we decided to take advantage of some of the more popular rides/slides while the crowds were small. The first one was called Vanish Point and was essentially a tube you stepped into that dropped you when the floor fell out from under you. The tower it was situated on was 75 feet high. It was scary but went by quickly and was a lot of fun. I think the scariest part was just waiting in line and seeing other people drop in the tubes down to the bottom. There was also a giant slide you could go down from the same tower and there wasn't a line for it so we did that directly afterward. Which I almost thought was more fun. After each ride, I checked to make sure I didn't lose my swimsuit before standing up. Hehe...

John and I agreed, there's something about a thrill, a rush that is therapeutic. Sure, while it's happening you feel a sort of panic. But afterward, it's like you dumped all your stress on the side walk. Or was that just your lunch...either way, I think that's why I enjoy things like crazy high slides of doom and roller coasters. I get to this point during them where I scream BLOODY MURDER and for a brief second, I'm convinced I'm dying and I have no control of my terror. I scream so hard that my lungs are entirely deflated, yet there's still unearthly sounds coming from my mouth. And then, 1/100th of a second later I realize, "hehe, this is fun!!" Afterward, though a little shaky, you feel freer than when you began. I guess it's just adrenaline. But there's something relieving about it.

I think we rode each ride at least once. A few of them we went twice because the line moved quickly. I think our favorites were the inner tube rides and one that was a lot of fun was this lazy river ride. Basically, you just floated in this river that had a constant current and you could either swim it or wear a life jacket and just float along. It was very relaxing and I think we went around the course 2 or 3 times.

By the end of the day, we were wiped out but thankfully not sunburned. We had planned to go to this put-put golf course that evening but were pretty tired so we ended up just going back to the hotel.

The next day it was PUT-PUT TIME!! We are so mature.

The put-put course was actually pretty cool and we had a lot of fun.

And it was very, VERY hot.

Throughout the course, there were plaques telling all about the pirate Blackbeard's life.

So it was educational AND fun! Yay! We have a history of going to put-put courses. We used to have one just down the highway from us in NC.

In fact, we got ALL these tokens from the arcade there too and then it went out of business. So now we have a bunch of tokens for no reason. But this course was definitely cooler by far. There was a pirate ship! And pirates!

After we finished the course, we headed back into Williamsburg to a coffee shop John had shown me the night before. I had been exhausted and cranky from swimming and just wanted to go home and shower. But oh no, he was DETERMINED to find this coffee shop for me. Well...I wasn't disappointed. It was called Aromas and was heaven.

They had the LARGEST piece of chocolate cake and apple pie I've ever seen in my life. We had dinner there the night before and we agreed that a nice coffee and scone after put-put was in order.

So we went back and enjoyed the atmosphere. It had lots of character and I was very inspired to write. I could have LIVED there.

So that's pretty much our trip! Last but not least, here are two pictures from the rodeo.

Up first, we have me looking freakishly excited.

Secondly, was the American flag being ridden around the pen. Andddd that's it!

Episode Mexico: 6/28/11 and 6/29/11

2011-07-31T18:42:00.001-07:00

6/28
We slept in and went to the beach for the last time. It was stuffy in the room from no power so being out in the air was refreshing. The beach was rough. Rough water, windy, with occasional rain. But it was still enjoyable. We came in and went to town. We had played with the idea of looking at a condo (just for fun) but decided not to in the end. We found a cute cafe off the beaten path and had the most amazing soup for lunch. And then it was back to Ah Cacao. Big surprise there! I was completely addicted. That visit, I had their Chocolate Maya which was chili pepper hot chocolate. We sat and drew and read and wrote and it was wonderful.

That night we went to a restaurant a friend had recommended. It turned out to be good but not as good as we were expecting. A little too American. We agreed that staying at an all-inclusive resort would be nice if we had a bunch of kids but being on our own it was much nicer being able to check out cool restaurants in town instead of being stuck eating at the same resort restaurants the whole visit.

And as we all know...I like towels folded into cool things.

6/29

Our last day. I think we both woke up a little sad. But I was glad we were leaving later in the day so we had time to go out for breakfast and enjoy the town one last time. We had spied a bagel cafe next to the massage place so we headed there for breakfast (I had a bagel with salmon on it and it was great) and afterward hit up (you guessed it) Ah Cacao.

After our last coffee, we walked back through town and took a few last photos of the shops and got out last weed offers which we decided marked the point where we were happy we were going home. I was ready to be home again. Believe you me, it gets really annoying and tiring getting asked if you want drugs several times a day.

Back at the hotel, we packed our last few things up and checked out. The Cancun airport had a REALLY extensive duty-free shop that was very tempting. But in the end we just got some Kinder Eggs (YAYYYYY) and some snacks for the plane. On the plane, we couldn't resist starting to plan our next trip on paper: CHINA. Someday... ;)

I can't even begin to explain what a wonderful trip this was for us. It was the relaxing getaway we've been needing for quite awhile. I really do hope to go back one day...and see those whale sharks up close and personal. And the manna rays. And speaking of rays...our close encounter of rays was not over...when we got home, the next day we'd be going to have breakfast with the rays at the aquarium! Bad timing RIGHT after a trip, I know. BUT it was literally the only day that would work for John. So more on that later.

The flights were pretty uneventful and customs and immigration wasn't too terrible in Miami. By the time we reached Raleigh at around midnight, I was ready to throw a few Americans across the airport. But that's traveling in this country of sense-of-entitlement-jerks for ya...hehe.

And that, my friends, is the end of our Mexico adventure. Now to get caught up on everything ELSE that's been going on! Ahh!!!

Episode Mexico: 6/26/2011 and 6/27/2011

2011-07-30T06:17:00.000-07:00

6/26

I dreamed John wasn't in the picture and I was dating some other guy who I was bored with and was seriously thinking of dumping because the relationship wasn't going anywhere (what is with my vacation dreams??). But I suspected he wanted to propose near Christmas so I decided to wait. He ended up having my parents give me a gift bag with the ring in it. I started crying and he came and said he thought I'd find the card funny. Then I woke up.

John continued feeling a little icky this morning but seems a little better. It rained all night and the wind shook the door so hard that at one point I thought we were having a hurricane. It continued to rain most of the day which meant we stayed in most of the day. Which wasn't the worst thing considering our tummies were still uneasy. For dinner, we went to Las Delicious, the same restaurant we went to on the first day for lunch and it was, as always, delicious and thankfully not too hard on our stomachs.

To top off the evening, we smoked Cuban cigars (my first) and had a grand ol' time as usual writing postcards and being us.

As a result, we stayed up super late. But we're on vacation, right? So who cares!

That evening, I played with our towel animal and made funny faces.

It was epic. And no, I still don't know what our towel animal was. Monkey? Turkey? Turtle? Fish? Pile-o-poo? We'll never know.

6/27

I had been wanting to check out a coffee shop called Ah Cacao which served Mayan hot chocolate and lots of cool coffee drinks. It was what the tour books called "The Chocolate Shop" and I just knew I wouldn't be disappointed.

We went there for breakfast and as expected it was epic. It was all I imagined it to be and more. There was this strange corn cake that was the BOMB.

Since we arrived, we had talked about getting a massage. John had never had one so we decided that after both of us feeling icky, a massage was in order. The night before, our hotel told us that our second tour had called and they had cancelled for that day but would reschedule. This tour was one John had picked out for me as a surprise (bu

t had ended up telling me because he was too excited) and it entailed going out on a boat and swimming with whale sharks and possibly manta rays. Afterward, you went to a nearby island and snorkeled the reefs. A little disappointed but relieved we'd have another day to enjoy relaxing, we went to a massage place in town. The massage was an hour and was heaven. I thought I was going to fall asleep but I somehow managed not too. I've never done a massage in the nude but it was quite nice! Afterward we had lunch again at the fancy restaurant we had gone to the night before and our waiter was glad to see we came back. We both got blander meals (soup mostly) to ease our tummies. It rained some more.

We stopped in Ah Cacao again. We went there so many times before we left that I can't remember what my first drink was there. But I believe it was the Mayan sipping chocolate which was basically a shot of really, really thick hot chocolate with chili powder in it. SO. FLIPPING. GOOD. I also remember getting a shot of espresso with chocolate at the bottom and one of their amazing lattes (can you guess why I gained 5 pounds in Mexico?) among other things. They also had amazing desserts and pastries.

That day we had a power out. And it was a very odd power out. We continued to lose power randomly the rest of the trip and later on learned the reason for this and all the rain was there was a tropical storm off the coast which also resulted in our tour getting delayed. The power out killed all the electricity. But when the hotel used their generator, only half the power would come back on. So...sometimes everything plugged in would turn on but the lights wouldn't work or vise versa. It was weird.

On our way home from somewhere (probably Ah Cacao), we stopped in a little shop I had been eyeballing the ENTIRE stay in Playa. It was on a little picturesque street corner and had pottery, pewter, painted wooden boxes, little gourds that had been painted and turned into little boxes, and just...COOL THINGS inside. It was a very ME shop. We finally stopped in and we were literally in the store 45 minutes. I could NOT decide what I wanted because everything was so awesome. The lady that owned it was flattered I liked it so much and when we finally did check out, she gave us a free pewter butter knife.
We got home and reorganized our stuff (to prep for packing since we'd be gone the next day on our tour) and then went out for pizza for dinner. Afterward, we perused a duty-free shop, didn't buy anything and went home. It was SO nice to shower off all the gross massage oil. The massage was great but I just felt like my hair was greasy the rest of the day. Sadly, that evening we found out the tour was cancelled the next day as well due to bad weather and the closing down of the dock where the boat was. They said we could reschedule but we were leaving on the 29th so we just got a refund. We were both disappointed as we never got a chance to snorkel but we agreed that we'd just have to come back. The power went on and off all night so it was a little difficult to sleep because it kept getting hot in the room. At one point, I could hear a night club lose power right at the peak of a song and everyone screamed. It was pretty hilarious.

I FINALLY finished reading Dracula. It was a great read.

To be continued...

Episode Mexico: 6/24/2011 and 6/25/2011

2011-07-29T06:09:00.000-07:00

6/24
This morning we woke up for the sunrise, something we talked about doing since we arrived. It worked out nicely with how early we went to bed the night before and we made our way sleepily down to the beach and walked along the water. Near one of the close by resorts, we saw rose petals on the sand, the obvious remains of a wedding the night before. The beach and the rising sun were magnificent and it was probably the most peaceful morning I've experienced in awhile.
Last night I dreamed my mom was kidnapped. I was the only one who knew and no one else seemed to care. I received a letter and a video with a cryptic message on it from her. There was a movie reference in it that only I would have understood. Something about it told me she knew she was going to die. It was a horrible, horrible dream as my mom is my best friend. I woke up and wrote to her as soon as I could.
The rest of the day was pretty lazy. We laid out on the beach and made pasta and tuna for dinner. It was random but pretty good. We had been planning to go to the nightclubs one night and decided tonight was the best choice so we did a little pregaming in our room to save on drink costs at the bar and headed down to the Blue Parrot. I can't tell you how much I LOVE staying in a hotel walking distance from where I go to dance and have a few drinks. It's SO great not having to worry about someone driving you or getting a cab. The club was just barely waking up when we arrived and someone took us to a table near the back. The bar area had swing chairs which were pretty cool (although I thought probably not the best idea when dealing with drunk people). The back of the club opened out to the beach and nightly they put on two fire shows. We got pretty good seats and the guy that seated us got us drinks. Within a few minutes the fire show started. It was definitely a great show and we ended up staying late enough to watch it a second time.
I wrote down notes of what we did every day this trip so I could remember and blog about it. What I said next was this, and I quote word-for-word: "John was a crazy drunk." No. We didn't get THAT drunk. However, John DID get a little crazy...as I'm sure most Marines do whether or not alcohol is involved. I think he was just excited. I had to stop him multiple times from exposing me to the public (in my skanky dress), from dancing inappropriately and scaring the locals, and from climbing the bar swings like a monkey. I'm telling you, he is part spidermonkey. After the fire show, we ended up heading to sit at the bar (where the climbing happened). We both went to the bathroom and John got offered weed and heroine (!!HELP!!!) which he declined. We ordered one more drink and went to pay and told the bartender lady about our previous drinks during the fire show. She dismissed us, saying it was different. Er...okay? Then we asked someone else how we could pay for our previous drinks. They shook their head and said it was different than the bar. ?? After more confusion, we ended up walking out of there with 4 free drinks. You can't say we didn't try. On top of that, when we left they were charging a cover pay to people wanting to get in (it was free when we arrived) and the fire show had been free to watch so you gotta admit we got a good deal on the night. We explored the streets surrounding the area because we were literally in club central.
After enduring as much of the chaos as we cared for, we went back to our room and to sleep.
6/25
There's something wonderful about waking up to Starbucks and that's exactly what happened this morning. John surprised me with Starbucks coffee and took me out to breakfast. Unfortunately, I ended up getting sick from said breakfast. Even looking at it now makes me feel nauseous. Bleh.Afterward, we went exploring for the post office (so we could mail postcards...which I realized our families still have not received...hmmm...) which meant getting a little further into the main, untouristy part of town. SO much of it reminded me of China. Really, the whole trip did. It made me miss it that much more. And being the language-handicapped person in the group made me really appreciate that John took Spanish in school.
After awhile of walking in the hot sun, I needed to get home because I felt icky. I ended up napping all afternoon and woke up feeling a lot better. We went out briefly to find more milk for cereal and crackers for my tummy. While out, I got a fresh coconut which was awesome. Made me miss Thailand a lot. I drank the coconut milk and then the boy who sold it to me chopped it open and scooped the coconut flesh into a little bag for me. It was actually pretty soothing for my stomach. That night, we went to a fancy restaurant John had been meaning to try that he had read a lot about online. It had a lot of authentic Mayan recipes and just overall fabulous food. After getting seated outside, we had to move inside because of a sudden down pour. Our food was great. But my favorite thing there was the chips and salsa they provided. The chips were sprinkled with chili powder and other spices and were thicker than most chips. The salsa was actually three different kinds of "dips." One was made from habanero peppers and was very hot but delicious. Another was like a creamy garlic sauce and the third was mashed pumpkin seeds that was the closest thing to actual traditional salsa. Combining the different sauces was SO tasty. That could have been my entire meal. John got a crazy drink while we were there that the waiter lit on fire and suctioned to his hand. I know...very strange but cool. We got dessert and then headed home where John began feeling sick too. He went to sleep and felt like he had a fever (I could also tell because he pulled the covers over him...something he NEVER does being that he's ALWAYS warm while I'm ALWAYS cold). He woke up several hours later and I was still up watching stupid TV shows. We talked a little and then both went to sleep.
To be continued...

Crepes

2011-07-29T04:57:00.000-07:00

I feel much better today.
I didn't end up doing most of what I planned to do. I didn't get out of my pajamas until around 4 in the afternoon. Yeah. I know. I didn't see a movie. I didn't draw. I didn't do much of anything. I did talk to a friend. And I did go to choir practice which was great. A good end to an uneventful day. I DID make crepes. And they were lovely. I was going to take a picture of them but we ate them too fast. So no crepe pictures for you. I made savory ones (cream cheese, spinach, and sauteed mushrooms) and sweet ones (banana, peach, and powdered sugar). All of them were divine. It was a rough start and a rough finish. All the ones I made in the middle were PERFECT. Like...restaurant quality beautiful. Still...no pictures for you.
I've been in a bakey mood lately. I baked banana bread and spinach squares this week. The banana bread was a little bland so I plan on making it again next week once my bananas have gotten nice and gross looking...cuz that just makes banana bread better. And maybe some nuts. And maybe some vanilla. And maybe, just maybe, some oatmeal. I've never been a big baker because I find it more stressful than normal cooking. I also get things much messier when I bake. Guaranteed. Not sure why. EVERY TIME. Without fail. Making the crepes was fun. Makes me want to make more things out of Julia Child's cookbook. However, I made the crepes WAY bigger than she said they should be.
I'm deciding what to do today. I'm going to make myself go to the gym. Because I was thoroughly lazy yesterday and missed out on some classes I could have taken. Today, I will not make the same mistake.
I dreamed about school last night. Lots and lots of art class dreams. And thankfully, they were not stressful. They were fun. So in a small way they made me dread school just a little bit less (what did I tell you about me and dread?) even though I'll be fine once it starts.
There's so much I want to say right now but I just don't have the words. So...I'll leave it with that. Now all I need is a real crepe spreader/spatula/whatever/thing.

Photo: CountryLiving found via Sixpence & a Blue Moon

iProtest

2011-07-28T10:25:00.000-07:00

So...this, in a nutshell, tells you what I've been needing to cry/be angry about for awhile. It was written several weeks ago. Uh...enjoy? I guess...heh:
I feel like the theme lately has been blog posts I want to write but can't post...yet. But I figure writing them and saving them will ease the urge. Right? Right. First, I'll give you the run down of why I am currently not a fan of John's original squadron and why they can not expect any favors from me now or ever. Warning: If you don't want to endure a few minutes of intense complaining and bashing, skip over this next part. Otherwise, proceed with caution.
1. John is scheduled to deploy to Afghanistan with said squadron in October of last year.
2. A month before deploying, we get a phone call during dinner. He gets picked for an IA which means he's leaving much sooner and going to Iraq instead of Afghanistan.
3. After months of rumors flying about people being transferred to different squadrons but John is assured all that time that he'll remain with his original squadron (HA), he comes home.
4. Annnndd is immediately reassigned to a parent squadron. Thanks guys. Just thanks.
5. After going to the hail and bail (which we all know I hate) for the parent squadron, we find out the SAME DAY that he won't be there for long: the military suddenly noticed that, oh wow! Being on an IA and then going to the parent squadron does absolutely nothing for this Marine's career since thousands of tax-payer dollars went to train him to FLY. I still find it hard to believe the military would notice anything unless it was directly hurting the military itself. Scratch that. I still don't think the military would notice that. Because I prove my point in the points to follow.
6. After being told he might not go to his original squadron, he might go to another, he might stand on his head, oh wait nevermind just kidding he might go to the original etc., he is finally told he will go back to his original squadron so he can fly again. Yay!...right?
7. HA! WRONG. What a joke. Yesterday, John comes home and tells me that he was told he's going back to the squadron in August. But he was chosen for a FAC tour that that squadron had to fulfill. Which means what? Oh yeah. NO FLYING. I honestly didn't think getting a FAC tour was even possible since they normally do not hand them out to people who just finished an IA. But unnamed squadron from hell, you've done it again! This means deploying again, this time on the ground with infantry. Which I have no problem with. I know it'll be hard, will mean much less communication, it'll be something different and I know for sure that John will make the best of it because he has the best attitude of anyone I've ever known. But I also know it means wasted money. Wasted training. And it means this squadron is moronic and has screwed John over TWICE, claiming the reason they "had" to choose him is because he lacks the most quals and isn't as strong in the jet as other Marines. Well aren't we brilliant, idiots? OH REALLY?? If I went 7+ months without doing what I was trained to do and then got bumped into a squadron where I can no longer do what I was trained to do and just when it looks like I'll be able to go back to doing what I was trained to do, I get told I'll be doing yet another 7+ months of doing something other than what I was trained to do, YEAH, I'd probably not be that strong in WHAT I WAS TRAINED TO DO.
I'm not going to blame the Marine Corps on this one. Because the Marine Corps is huge and it honestly can't be blamed for missing a few things (or a lot of things) because how can it truly keep track of what's going on? The squadron, on the other hand, can take FULL blame for this. Not only did they wait until the very last SECOND to choose someone for this FAC tour (just like they waited until the last SECOND to choose John to go to the parent squadron, OH and also waited until the last SECOND to choose him to go on his last deployment...do I see a pattern of lameness here?), we seem to be the last to know of everything that's been going on in John's career. Thanks, but I don't need to hear, "Oh I heard your husband is going to such and such a squadron and doing this. Is that true?" The squadron can and should notice when it's screwing someone over. But I guess that has never stopped it before. I heard all of their lame ass reasons for choosing John over anyone else. I understand them...to a point. I'm not an idiot. But it doesn't take away the fact that you're screwing over one of your own...and it's not the first time! OH no. The SECOND. Technically the THIRD!! I love all of the guys in that squadron. But to those who made that decision: you have NO balls. I took the first screw over with grace. I'll take the second/third one like a champ. You know why? Because someone has to do it and I'm strong enough to. I can't say the same for a lot of people out there (like maybe you). But I know God is bigger than this screw up and something good will come out of it. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop me from thinking you're pathetic.
So there you have it folks. Fun, fun stuff. Pardon all the anger...and stuff. I'm praying God will change my heart through this and not let me grow bitter. It's a period of time where I feel no control. Which I think is the whole point of the matter; I don't need and shouldn't control my life. I need to fully and utterly surrender to God in this or I will not survive.
If you don't like anything that I said, I'm sorry if I offended. But I meant every word.
And now...onto other things.

Photo: Unknown found via 3QuarksDaily

Me Day

2011-07-28T09:38:00.001-07:00

I've decided it's "Me Day." Why? Because I can.
I had a melt down last night. And I realized it was the first one in several months. A lot has happened that I think I needed to cry about but I just haven't...I'll post about that later. But it was good to cry...even if I was angry and frustrated and overwhelmingly sad.
Today, John is gone on a trip. He returns tomorrow. And I decided that today is "Me Day." I'm going to do whatever the heck I want. Which, so far, seems to be a pretty short list. There are a lot of things I want to do that I can't do without 1. spending a lot of money 2. unlimited airline miles or 3. being extremely irresponsible. Which...sometimes you do need to be irresponsible. But not today.
So today, on Me Day, I am going to:
1. Get ready. I slept in for the first time in over a week. I've been getting up with John at around 5:30 or 6 and staying up. It's now nearly 1 in the afternoon and I'm still bedhead and pajama-ed. So...to the bedroom to change I go.
2. Go to a matinee movie. Of what? I'm not sure. Maybe Captain America. Maybe Horrible Bosses. Maybe I'll skip the movie altogether and watch something here. Not sure yet.
3. Go to check out my church's choir. As I mentioned before (I think), I was dropped from my choir. And less than 24 hours later I was called by the worship pastor at our church to see if I was still interested in checking out their choir. So tonight is the night! I'm excited, nervous, dreading (because that's what I do...if I were a pirate, my name would be Captain Dread...not because I instill fear in others or have an awesome hair-do but because I dread things...ALL...THE...TIME...even if they're good things).
4. Possibly go grocery shopping for vegetables (my house has everything but vegetables right now which is not okay) and come home to...
5. Make crepes! I was thumbing through my Mastering the Art of French Cooking cookbook by Julia Child because I want to use it more and ran across a recipe for crepe batter. I normally make sweet crepes but when I started reading her savory crepe recipes, let's just say dinner was decided.
Now...here's the problem (of sorts). I just got a call and found out his trip was cancelled due to a jet breaking (BIG SURPRISE considering the youngest of them was built in the 70's...heh). So...there goes my Me Day. But...not entirely. I still am going to choir. I'm rethinking the movie because it's close to when I'd need to leave and I'm still in my jammies...with a cat settled nicely in my lap. Hm...thoughts, thoughts, thoughts.
Maybe today is a drawing day.
One thing I AM going to do for myself today: my English Instructor Ms. Saxon just emailed me telling me that she is going to be teaching a late-start American Literature class. I was just telling John my woes of not being able to take a writing or literature course this semester. So...I think that settles it.
Besides...how can I say no to this furry face?

Photo: Meself

Episode Mexico: 6/23/2011

2011-07-26T13:46:00.000-07:00

We woke up early. Today was the day of our first excursion which meant a very early start. Unfortunately, the night before was the ONLY night that the nightclubs kept me up. So I was dragging a little bit. But on the way to our meeting point we stopped at a 7-11 and got some caffeine. Mmm...caffeine.
We were the first people in our van. When full, the van contained 5 couples and a family of 3 totaling 13 people. One couple was from Australia and one was Mexican. The rest of us were Americans from various states. As excepted, there was one person, THAT person, who was unprepared for the trip. It was the mother in the family of 3 and while our tour guide Castillo was explaining a bit of what we would be doing that day, she interrupted saying she hadn't brought any shoes (this was after he said no flip flops on certain activities). We all kind of sat there and blinked. Really, lady? Did you read the description of this tour at all? It said (SEVERAL TIMES, might I add) that this was a very strenuous activity (which would be your first cue to not bring flip flops), did not allow small children (thankfully hers was older) and encouraged tourists to avoid it if they were out of shape or had any major medical conditions that would prevent them from climbing, hiking, etc. (second clue to drop the flip flops and put on some shoes). AMAZINGLY enough, she was able to find some at a rest stop but that didn't stop the rest of the bus from doing a bit of grumbling that it was going to be a long day if she was going to be THAT person that every tour has. You know...the one that's late back to the bus, that buys too much to carry, that complains that it's hot (we're in Mexico), and laughs and acts like they're being asked too much of when presented with a strenuous activity. THANKFULLY...she ended up being not too bad during the trip.
The drive to our first activity was about 2 hours. We arrived at the entrance to the grounds where the Coba temple we would be climbing was and Castillo instructed us to be back AT the bus in 2 hours exactly. Not to start back in 2 hours but be physically IN the bus by then. (Keep this in mind because it comes up later.) And we were off! The first portion of this tour was with a guide who showed us around several Mayan ruins, explained the differences between these Mayans and other Mayan tribes in other regions of Mexico, etc. We saw a ball court and several buildings and the whole thing was fascinating. I kept giving John props for choosing an awesome tour. The tour guide then said we were free to walk around on our own and we could follow a path that would lead us to the Coba temple. He said we could either choose to walk, rent bikes, or rent a rider to take you there on this bike with seats. It was about a mile so we decided to bike (which John had read was the best choice since you didn't get much time at the temple if you walked). I have to admit that biking was a lot of fun as it's been a long time since I've biked anywhere. We stopped at several more ruins along the way and then found our way to Coba. I have to admit Coba was really breath-taking. One thing I found interesting was the ground leading up to it was inclined, like the Mayans built up the ground before actually building the temple itself. The rest of the jungle was entirely flat. I was immediately struck with how much steeper Coba looked than in the pictures. But would I let some fear of height that only manifested itself in my adult life get in my way? Never! Castillo had recommended that if we were afraid of heights, to climb the stairs up the temple like a ladder and when going down, to sit on each step and ease your way down that way. I definitely took his advice. On the way up, I distracted myself by counting the steps (they said there were 122 and they were right), with the occasional distraction of John telling me to smile for a picture. When I got to the top, I turned around and sat on the top step and just drank in the scenery (with a little bit of terror in my throat). It was magnificent. You could see for miles because it was the highest thing in the jungle. We walked another few steps to the main platform at the top and enjoyed the scenery some more before heading down. I took Castillo's advice and sat on the steps as I went down. It was STEEP and I did not trust my balance walking down like a normal person (because I'm "special"). There was also a rope secured at the bottom running all the way to the top that you could use to secure yourself on your way up or down. So picture me plunking my way down this temple via my butt while John is walking all over the ruin without a care in the world. One thing this man has taught me: fear nothing...it's so much more fun that way. Does that mean I got up boldly and charged head-first down the temple? I think not...but it definitely make me appreciate John all the more for being who he is.
We got to the bottom and I felt like I could conquer the world if I wanted to. I later was very glad we did the activities in the order we did because I do not think I would have been so gung-ho to climb the temple after doing a bunch of other stuff and in the afternoon heat. Going in the morning was perfect.
We had just enough time to get back to the bus. John got me a sugar skull as a souvenir (yay!) and we piled back into the bus. And waited. You guessed it! THAT person was nowhere to be seen. Her family was on the bus but she was not. Finally, she appeared and announced, "Sorry!! I had to pee and then I couldn't find the bus!!" After a moment of silence, John leaned over and whispered to me, "....the bus never moved..." which I had to laugh about because he was right...the bus was the SAME place we had parked when we arrived and STILL had the giant numbers 5-1 on the side that Castillo told us to look for if we got confused. Sigh...some people...
Hi-ho silver!! We headed off to our next destination and activities. Our next ride was a lot shorter...partially because we were running late and Castillo said to pardon him but he was going to drive like a Mexican...and literally did something close to warp speed down rugged jungle roads. It was pretty awesome. We slowed down a few times so he could explain about the Mayan people today and how they live their lives; he pointed out several Mayan villages on the way. Our next activities would take place at a real Mayan village and the cost of the tour went towards education and job skill training for the Mayan people which I found very, very cool.
We arrived in the small village and I instantly felt like I was back in China (although the bathrooms were way nicer than in China). We were supposed to start by eating a traditional Mayan lunch but another group was occupying the lunch area so we had to move on to the activities...and in the end, I'm so glad we had to do it in that order because lunch was so much more satisfying AFTER the activities. After checking most of our stuff into a small cubby, we headed off to our first "adventure." Castillo, along with a Mayan guide and a Mayan photographer (one of their job training careers; they take professional photos of your tour and then you can purchase them at the end), guided us through the jungle, relaying Mayan stories, pointing out different plants and animals, as well as teaching us a few phrases in the Mayan language. We arrived by a small lake or sink hole in the jungle. This is where we would be ziplining. Castillo introduced us to several Mayan men who would be assisting with the zipline and then he introduced us to Paco. Say hi Paco! After gearing up in our harnesses, helmets and sticks (they were for breaking), we headed to the other side of the lake to zipline. Castillo told us we had one of two options: we could go the "chicken way" (which was basically just easing off the edge of the cliff and ziplining down to the bottom) or the "adventure way" (which meant jumping off the cliff). Now, is that even a decision? John and I OF COURSE did the adventure way which was a lot of fun. As soon as I landed, the Mayan guys asked if I wanted to go again! They had initially said we could only go once so I jumped at the opportunity and me and John went a second time. The only person who chose not to go was the 13 year old girl. Off with the helmets and off we went...next up was the repelling!
Another trek through the jungle led us to a traditional Mayan medicine man who was supposed to "bless" our time in the jungle to keep us safe. While Castillo was explaining, the medicine man was stirring some burning amber in a little cup. Suddenly, it popped and a hot coal popped into the guy's eye and he frantically patted himself down. It was pretty hilarious and I think only John and I caught it. After a ceremony, lots of burning amber, and having eucalyptus leaves waved over us (and me praying nonstop), we walked toward where we guessed the repelling would take place. On the way there we passed another group and we greeted each other.
Now, I'm not sure what exactly I was imagining as far as repelling. I think I thought the place we were repelling into would be this MASSIVE sink hole and look like a giant meteor hit it. But as we slowed down and were instructed to take off our shoes and only wear our swimsuits for the next portion, we saw nothing resembling what I had imagined. All I saw was what looked like a well with several men standing around it. Well folks, turned out that was the ENTRANCE to the cenote (sinkhole) where we would be repelling. After washing off any excess sunblock or bug spray (they require everyone to wear biodegradable sunscreen regardless because the water in the cenote is linked to the Mayan peoples' main water supply), we gathered around the "well" opening and Castillo explained how to and how not to repel. It was as if a cloud had rushed over our little group. Everything was very quiet and I think everyone was thinking the same thing I was since I had never repelled before: how the heck am I going to do this? I had no idea how much upper body strength it took to accomplish repelling. I assumed since it wasn't a professional tour, any normal, healthy person should be able to do it. But that didn't demolish my doubts entirely. I decided that the only way anyone was getting in that hole was if John and I were the daredevil couple. So we volunteered to go first. We each entered on opposite sides of the well and eased our way down two ladders before the big drop off. At the bottom of the ladder, we were instructed to lean out and kiss as if we were never going to kiss again. Photo op! I'm so glad they had the professional photographer on the trip because he took a lot of pictures you couldn't take yourself if you were busy zip lining or trying not to plummet into a dark cave in the ground. I took my next step which would lead me to be dangling freely over the dark water below andddd...it was remarkably easy. I have to admit I really enjoyed repelling and wish I could have done it twice. I told the other couples not to be fooled and that it was a lot of fun since most of them looked pretty scared about going next. After a couple minutes of repelling, I noticed I still had quite a ways down to go so I tried to speed up again (since my speed demon husband was nearing the bottom already). One thing I learned from repelling (as well as the entire tour that day) was this: self-consciousness and fun don't mix. There were times during that tour, especially during the repelling, that I had a moment or two of "oh no, my belly looks fat!" thoughts. But thankfully, we were so busy DOING things and everyone else was in the same boat, sweating, climbing, and having their fat rolls smooshed together (because there's no way to wear a harness aka glorified rope underpants and look sexy) that worrying about what everyone else would think was absolutely pointless. Any time those thoughts came to mind, I dismissed them and reminded myself that no one cared which meant I shouldn't care either. I was also one of the smaller people in the group; why was I worrying or complaining? Did I cringe over a few photos? Sure...but I think the fact that I'm dangling over a dark pit is much more interesting than the unflatteringness of my harness. Get over yourself, Rachel. So I did. :)
Passing out of the sunlight, you could see the amazingly clear blue water below and the cave around us. As I got to the bottom, there was a Mayan man who unhooked your harness and eased you into an inner tube so you could float around. Floating around the cenote was AMAZING. Thank goodness for a waterproof camera. It was an incredibly cool break from the humid day and was just an awesome experience all around. Small fish could be seen in the water and the sunlight shown to the very bottom of the pool of water. On one side of the cave, hung a really strange looking structure. On closer examination, we all realized that it was the roots of a tree that had grown from the ceiling of the cave to the water below. We stayed down around 15 minutes. Getting back up, we again had two options: we could either be hoisted up "like a Mexican marionette" as Castillo put it, which meant being hauled back out the way we came. OR...you could take the Mexican rope ladder which was much more difficult. And you already know what we chose. I decided to go first because I knew there was much less of a chance of me giving up if John was still below me (not sure why...just because). I began the climb (which had to be done on the outside of the ladder for more stability but it was pretty slippery...thankfully, we had a security rope in case we fell) and quickly realized it was much harder than it looked. By the time I was sure I had only a fourth of the way to go, John called out and said, "You're doing great! You're almost half way there." Seriously? Great. Oh and note to self: it's hard to smile when you're about to fall to your death.About that time, I realized the reason I was so tired was because I was using too much upper body strength to climb. Because of that, there were a few times that I wasn't sure if I'd make it the whole way. But I would NOT give up and did my best to put the rest of the climbing in my legs. I made it all the way and was the first of the women to climb the ladder. Only one other did it. John, of course, climbed up in like TWO SECONDS and barely broke a sweat ( slight sarcasm but it was pretty effortless for him). On his way up, the Mayan man holding the security rope said, "He climbs very fast!" and the Australian woman said, "Wow! He must be really strong!" I just smiled and said, "Yeah." like any genius would. Haha...no, I was very proud of him. I said, "Macho man." and the Mayan man thought that was pretty funny. By the time everyone made it to the top, we were all exhausted, happy, and hungry. The only two that didn't go down were the mother and daughter of the family of three.
We made it back to the beginning of the Mayan village and enjoyed our Mayan meal which consisted of tamarind juice, a vegetable soup with a vegetable in it that I had only seen in China, a barbecued pulled chicken, tortillas, and rice and beans. It was all amazingly unspicy and it was all delicious and exactly hit the spot for everyone. At that point, I was SO thankful we did the activities in the order we did them in. Castillo said some groups would then go off to Coba AFTER doing repelling and that did not at all sound appetizing after repelling and eating. During the meal, Castillo talked about how there's belief that some Mayans originated from Asia and I thought that made perfect sense. For a long time, I've noticed an uncanny similarity between South American tribes and Chinese minority groups. I mean...it is CREEPY how similar some of them are in dress, in overall appearance, etc. So what he said made perfect sense to me.
After our meal, we had the option of A. lying in hammocks or B. canoeing. We decided to canoe. It was a short little ride but it was fun and the water was beautiful. We heeded Castillo's warning to stay in the boat at all times, not get on any sandbars because they were all quicksand, and to avoid land in general because of crocs.
We bought a few things in their village store including a hammock (since I fell in love with all the hammocks in Playa). We also decided to get the professional pictures taken during the trip on a disc. As a parting gift, we were all given a shot of tequila and Castillo toasted to us and thanked us again for choosing their tour and helping the Mayan people through it. It didn't dawn on me until just now that I think he took a shot with us and then turned right around and drove us back to Playa......oops. The bus ride was quiet. I slept part of it (with my mouth hanging open, no doubt) and soon we were home. PB and J was the verdict for dinner (so goooood) and I honestly think we went to bed around 9pm (after watching more paranormal nazi nonsense on the "history channel") because we were so exhausted. But honestly, it was a great trip, a great day. There's really nothing I'd do differently.
To be continued...

Photos: Meself

Heat

2011-07-24T20:26:00.003-07:00

It has been HOT here. Hotter than I remember it ever being the past few summers. But then again my memory has never been awesome. My hip has been thankful of it. If I didn't already mention it, I don't remember my hip acting up once while in Mexico. Part of that I attribute to the humidity. Something about the heat is soothing. Which is rather handy living in NC in the summer when the heat index is 116. Give me a air conditioned room and the pain kicks in. Its probably a good thing I no longer live in WA because I would probably be crippled. On the bright side, I was referred to a chiropractor who is apparently a miracle worker. No appointment yet but I plan on making one tomorrow.
I've neglected my blog. I know, I know. I have a lot to write about. For example: last weekend we went to Water Country USA. This weekend we went to our first rodeo. Ever. In the Mexico department, things have been slow because our pictures from the trip are literally on 4 different piece of equipment. And narrowing down which days are on what thing and then getting them somewhere accessible for posting has just been...well...annoying. So for now I am just going to apologize for the delay. And to make up or it, I'll tell you about the rodeo. Not Water Country. Why? Because there are pictures from Water Country that I wanna post. Not from the rodeo. So you'll have to rely on my overly exaggerated, often slighty disturbing or cenile descriptions. Aren't you excited. I know.
So we went to a rodeo! We had been talking about it for awhile and then *poof* there was suddenly a banner on the side of the road advertising an upcoming rodeo. So we planned to go since neither of us had been and after we found out our friends Karl and Katrina were going, it was settled. It turned into a sort-of double date which was nice. And as it turns out, Katrina became our rodeo translator and encyclopedia of all things rodeo because apparently her family was always into horses and competing in rodeos. Who would have guessed? Definitely not me. It was great having one of us know what was going on.
A few things struck me about the rodeo:
1. Rodeos are very, very patriotic events. I guess I should have guessed as much since I can't really think of a country song that isn't patriotic...but still...call me clueless. They had all the branches of services' flags which they rode around the ring several times.
2. Rodeos are also very Christian. Totally blew me for left field when they not only opened in prayer but said "Jesus," thanked the Lord, and brought out the Christian flag.
3. And last but not least...rodeos are actually pretty fun and cool! As anti country as I've been in my day, I found myself looking the most country out of the four of us (gotta love plaid) and thoroughly enjoying the whole thing. I totally got into all of the events, found myself admin Katrina a lot of questions and cheering for the competitors. So basically...the South has broken me, y'all. Don't be surprised if I pick up dipping and cornholing. Now I'm off to bed.

Photo: Meself

Burn

2011-07-22T04:04:00.000-07:00

I've been productive the past few days. It's weird. But awesome. I go through waves of productivity throughout the day. Thankfully, instead of getting on the computer or sleeping during one of my lulls, I decided to bite the bullet and start de-cluttering our bedroom. Our bedroom = clutter. There is not a surface in there that is not covered in clutter. It seriously stresses me out. Which is oh-so-healthy for when you're about to go to sleep. Haha...sighhhhhh. Anyway, I got to work de-cluttering. And I have to say I got a really good start. I started a new bag of donations (which always has me excited...nothing makes me feel more productive than giving old crap away that someone else might want/need/use) and in the process of digging through my mound of pointlessness, I found an old prayer journal. I used to keep a very dedicated prayer journal daily. This one was from 2005 and 2006. I couldn't stop myself from reading through a large portion of it. It felt like a whole different life. And I remembered something in that particular journal was special and important...but I couldn't remember what exactly. I'm not sure if I found what I initially considered important but I did find one page that was extremely profound. It said so much about one of the darkest points in my life and surviving by far my worst relationship. I decided this journal could not be thrown away. It needed to be burned. Now that might sound a little overly melodramatic. But that's not what it was at all...I just felt like...it was time to fully let go of it. Of all of it. It had haunted me for long enough. I saved the page that had some meaning to be for one reason: I believe it could be insightful for my kids someday, to know that I DO know what I'm talking about when I caution them about relationships. As much as past relationships hurt, I hope they will be a tool to help my kids be wise in their choices.
One thing that really struck me about this whole journal that I hadn't thought about before is how incredibly dedicated I was to praying daily. I seriously miss that and am ashamed it's no longer a part of my routine. That must change. It also really made me think about how things could have turned out if I HADN'T been so enveloped in prayer. It was entirely a mess of a situation. But had I not included God in the picture and sought him for help, I have no doubt it would have been a matter of me going through a terrible first marriage with the wrong person. NO doubt about it. I'm SO thankful for where God has taken me, far from where I began.
So I wanted to share a few lines from the page I saved:
"Please just let me forget him except for what you've taught me through this. I've learned that love isn't sudden...that rushing is always bad. I learned that family was so much more important to me than I thought. I learned that no relationship can survive if you aren't the beating center for both people. I learned that I have to surrender all to you. I learned so much, I could go on for pages and days. Thank you for all you're doing in my life and the people around me."
This was written in a very, very dark moment of my life. But somehow I was able to see that God was there working in me and around me. And looking back today, I see his hand on me all the way. I couldn't have done it without him. And I still couldn't survive today without him. I think I've let myself forget the good things I gleaned from that relationship and all I could remember was the bad things which haunted me and wouldn't let me rest. Even rereading that journal was hard. It reminded me of things I forgot...of my ex-fiance thinking there was something terribly WRONG with me. And of me searching desperately for what that was so I could fix it. This page reminded me of what I needed to remember about the relationship...and it's the ONLY souvenir I'll be keeping. The rest can burn.
After removing the page, I decided the journal needed some closure. I had let go long ago, but it was time for the journal to go away and my heartbreaking handwritten words rest. John did yard work in the evening while I watched the pages burn and it was peaceful. There is something so profound about burning something that has worth and weight. My words and heartache had worth and weight. It was amazing to see the vast difference of my life then and my life now and how greatly God has blessed me and changed me. I could never ask for a more wonderful, caring, loving, and kickass husband. And even though I want to take the military by the collar and shake it sometimes, I couldn't ask for a better life either.
So this chapter is closed. You will not haunt me any longer. Goodbye.

Photo: Meself